The Vampire Diaries: Smells Like Teen Spirit (Season 3, Episode 6)

I did not look like this in high school.

Elena wakes up early after a very bad day. She covers up the bite marks on her neck from Stefan and/or Rebekah before following Alaric outside. Alaric trains Elena, though she doesn’t possess his sexy muscles (or tattoo). Why they are training against Stefan now, after Damon and literally dozens of vampires terrorized her and everyone else, is beyond me, but they both look pretty badass. And Alaric sweetly says Elena is the strongest person he knows because she got out of bed that morning, after all she’d been through.

Elena, Caroline, and Bonnie walk sexily into the first day of school. Elena dons the accessory of many a Damon girlfriend: the scarf. They complain about their lives, but Caroline insists they move forward. Elena says she has to put her past behind her. Her “boyfriend” Stefan is playing some form of twister that involves many dead girls. Damon disapproves of the mess. Rebekah moves in without either Damon or Stefan’s approval. Stefan doesn’t like her now for some reason, and Damon doesn’t know who she is.

Bonnie’s a little hard on Jeremy about his ability to see dead ex-girlfriends. Matt is able to see his dead sister, so he spends his morning talking to himself or rather his sister Vicki. Vicki dubiously says again there’s a way to bring her back. Matt misses her. He has no parents. His ex is dating a vampire. And now he seems crazy. An unnaturally perky Tyler interrupts him. Far away in a tomb, Katherine, meanwhile, is having no luck in reviving the vampire Michael. Damon calls her and tells her to step on it. She spots a mourner at the graveyard and decides to give it another shot.

Stefan's most fiendish act: making fun of how slow Elena is.

Damon refers to Rebekah as Barbie-Klaus and sweetly makes fun of Stefan’s broody persona instead of telling Elena who Stefan is killing. Tyler shows up and smooches Caroline in front of Elena. Tyler and Caroline get into a lovers quarrel because Tyler says that Rebekah is hooking him up with blood bags. He thinks it’s awesome that he is Klaus’s first successful hybrid!  In a similar fashion to the dance Elena and Stefan did outside the bathroom in the pilot episode (as well as a “coed” bathroom scene), Elena runs into Stefan. He says he’ll protect her and grabs her. Alaric tells him to stop, but Stefan shoves Alaric, his history teacher, attracting attention. Stefan notes that he doesn’t want to be a senior for the 100^th time, but this is his job. He’s a real douche.

Everyone here is crazy, let’s face it. Elena tells Alaric that they have to do something about Stefan. Caroline is surprised to see Stefan and then Rebekah waltzes into class. So three of these students are vampires, one of whom is an original vampire, and one is also a werewolf. Alaric just wants to talk about Native Americans. Outside, Jeremy interrupts Matt’s tete-a-tete with Vicki. Jeremy pretends not to see her, but he immediately consults Anna. Vicki cites a ritual that could bring her back (hopefully not involving a dead relative). Vicki and Anna explain that she can come back as a ghost if the witch’s power from the other side pushes her through. Anna is worried. Matt looks concerned but wants to he help.

Chaos on the sports field! Rebekah moves in on Caroline’s territory (after someone asks what happened to dead Dana) by trying out for the cheerleading squad and saying she’s after Tyler. Isn’t he kind of her child? Or great-etc. grandchild? She shows off her moves. Tyler compels the coach to let them get drunk at the bonfire party. He tells Caroline to chillax because Klaus gave him this gift. On the tracks, Stefan annoys Elena, pushing over a guy who bumps into her. Elena is still convinced he isn’t Stefan, who refers to her as a human blood bag… “no offense.” He is acting a bit like Tyler used to.

Stop trying to protect me! You are so evil!

Elena lifts weights. Damon asks her if she is going to bench press a vampire and calls her Buffy. Elena wants to lock up Stefan for now, but Damon isn’t hopeful. Still, he gives her a very sexy lesson in how to kill a vampire. He has her feel his sternum, and he touches her spine under her shirt. Then, they almost kiss. He assures her that no one, including Stefan, is going to hurt her. Bonfire redux: a powwow meets to stop Stefan. Damon just wants to use Bonnie (smart man), but Elena is worried that Stefan will hurt her. (Wouldn’t Stefan suspect something? He is a horrible bodyguard.) Elena tells Damon to distract Rebekah with his charm. Damon is the voice of reason here. He also is the first to notice that Tyler is very obviously a Klaus fan. The solution: Caroline needs to get a new boyfriend.

Elena downs a beer in front of Stefan and Rebekah. Stefan tells her she’s a lightweight. Rebekah likes Elena’s snark when she calls him a blood addict. Elena gets drunk and actually smiles at a guy drinking from a keg. She and Stefan raise their eyebrows and glasses at one another. Damon shows Rebekah how to eat a marshmallow in a hot way. Elena spots them and looks jealous. Stefan pulls a Damon by invading her bubble and whispering in her ear. Stefan actually points out that she’s jealous. He doesn’t seem to give a crap, even though she contradicts him.

Even though Damon says he can be mean if Rebekah wants him to, she knows he’s distracting her and stabs him in the stomach with her marshmallow stick. Inside, Tyler wakes up after being vervained. Caroline gives him a talking to. She said he’s trying to please Klaus. Tyler says he’s no one’s pet (hah). Caroline says he’s acting like the old Tyler. Oh snap, she went there! He says he’ll try not to be his enhanced bad self because he likes Caroline so much. He is looking very attractive. They make out. But… is he sincere? Can he “be careful?”

Ninja position. (What are they looking at? Wasn't Elena's biggest problem at this point her drunk self?)

Elena drunkenly teases Stefan (who is acting like his old self – he wants her to be careful and go home) until she falls from the top of the bleachers. He catches her, and they share a moment. Is there something still there in him, in spite of it all? Alaric shoots Stefan with vervain, but observes that Elena is underage and “not sober.” Elsewhere, Matt does some sort of blood ritual; there are candles, there is smoke, and he and Vicki embrace – he can feel her. Bonnie’s just mad Jeremy’s talking to Anna. Vicki reveals that she made a deal with the witch to kill Elena so Klaus can’t make any more hybrids. She knocks out Matt and leaves.

Matt confesses this to Bonnie, who takes care of business as Vicki sets the car with Elena and Stefan on fire. She sits in the car and prevents Elena from leaving. How does Stefan wake up? He must not have been too vervained. Bad plan, you two. Stefan could have woken up and murdered Alaric while he was driving. Vicki takes way too long to kill Elena. To be fair, Vicki did know her. Bonnie manages to send Vicki back as Stefan kicks out the back of the car. Elena is sure to save Stefan, and Elena, Alaric, and Stefan get out before the car blows. Matt says goodbye because he can’t let Vicki hurt anyone. No one can win on this show.

Damon applies first aid to Elena. She almost admits that she was jealous, and Damon admits that he was totally faking it with Rebekah. Elena smiles at him. Alaric interrupts them. Damon is still trying to get back into his good graces. Others making up include Tyler and Caroline who dress after having amazing sex in the middle of a living room. Correction: Tyler is only wearing a towel. Damn. Unfortunately, Rebekah comes in and sexily offers him a bitten and bleeding girl. Tyler tries to resist, but Rebekah mentions Klaus and bites into the girl again. Tyler rushes over and drinks.

Danger, danger: high voltage! (When we touch, when we kiss.)

Michael had refused to drink, but Katherine eventually wakes him with blood. Michael, apparently a self-hating vampire, tells her to get the body away from her. She says he’s not so scary. He apologizes in his polite British accent for his outburst. He says he hasn’t had human blood in years because he doesn’t feast on living things, but he can and will kill Klaus. A remarkably careless Katherine frees him from his chains, and Michael shows what kind of blood he does drink: VAMPIRE BLOOD. Can a vampire survive on that, or is he just special?

For some reason, Bonnie is ignoring Jeremy’s calls. At the Gilbert house, Jeremy admits that he can’t stop thinking about Anna, and she can’t stop thinking about him. They touch hands and realize that they can feel one another. Ghost sex ensues… or hand holding, whichever you want to imagine.

Elena wants Alaric to befriend Damon again. Stefan weirdly thanks them for saving him. Elena confesses that she still has hope. Stefan says she is extremely pathetic. She disagrees and claims to be strong before stabbing him in the gut with wooden stakes. She’s a lot harder on Stefan than she was on Damon, I guess because she loved Stefan. After they leave, Damon thinks Stefan is running around knocking over vases. Someone gives Damon a good punch, and who is it? None other than MASON LOCKWOOD. So are a bunch of ghosts making their way over to Mystic Falls? The residents are in huge trouble. Someone dies every day there.