The Vampire Diaries: Bringing Out the Dead (Season 3, Episode 13)

I hate you, but I love you.

Elijah is none too happy to wake from death and find his family members comatose. He attacks Klaus, and Klaus puts him in his place before saying that he will reveal secrets about their mother’s death. He says Elijah must stand by him, so he can unite his family—after he retrieves the final coffin and destroys Stefan.  Klaus and Elijah also make a reference to Kol (dead one century) and Finn (dead nine centuries, interesting); apparently Elijah thinks Kol would be less forgiving than he.

Elena teases Alaric about his hangover, as if this is uncommon. He admits to drunk dialing Meredith his crush at two in the morning. Elena just smiles and shakes her head at her alcoholic history professor/guardian. She steps out to meet Sheriff Forbes. Sheriff says that they are about to have an unconventional conversation (more unconventional than hunting supernatural creatures?), and she decides to say this outside in broad daylight. The murder weapon found in the medical examiner belonged to Elena’s parents and has only Elena’s fingerprints.

Damon finds it funny that Elena is a prime suspect. He is convinced it’s Meredith, which Alaric and Elena refuse to believe. Elena’s confidence comes from the fact that Alaric has to luck out at least once when it comes to romance. Alaric thinks it’s Klaus. Elena suggests Stefan. I love how they come to realize how long the list of suspects is. Damon says it almost makes him miss bunny snacking Stefan, but he has to go have tea with a friend. This means suggestive innuendo between Elijah and Damon. Damon calls Elijah his favorite Original and says he cleans up nice. He also signed his letter to Elijah XOXO. They begin to discuss Klaus’s destruction and the magical coffin.

Now I have to make up for months of not choking people.

Stefan leads the Bennetts into the cave that blocks entrance from vampires. He stops at the mouth and is rather rude to Abby (understandably considering their past, but these folks forgive anything). He insists she digs deep for magic so she and Bonnie can open the coffin. Stefan also says something about making choices and taking the consequences, because they chose to follow Stefan there, but obviously he is referring to his own issues. Elena is there when Stefan leaves, and she asks if he killed the medical examiner. Stefan is ridiculously insulted, asking if Elena asked Damon the same question. Sorry, dude, you have been sucking girls dry in the not so distant past, and even more recently you threatened to kill your ex-girlfriend.

Caroline tries to pick up her father from the hospital, but he isn’t there. Meredith says he was furious that she used vampire blood to heal him. Caroline is remarkably forgiving, and Meredith points out it must be hard to have a father to hate you for what you can’t change about yourself. But Meredith says she doesn’t expose vampires. (Vampire council once again = FAIL.) Also, Meredith suspiciously got no sleep last night. Elena is also there to check out Meredith. Caroline calls her dad, but her vampire ears hear his phone ringing. She opens and door and walks into a darkened room to find him slumped on the floor, stabbed in the stomach. Caroline pulls the knife out of her father, crying, “Don’t be dead.” As soon as Elena points out that he has vampire blood in his system, Bill snaps to life—a vampire. Such irony.

Damon and Stefan scenes are always good. Damon instructs Stefan to get dressed because they are going on a double date with Elijah and Klaus. Too bad Stefan gets dressed, but he doesn’t trust Elijah who betrayed them last time. Damon says Stefan’s as trustworthy as Elijah, Stefan throws that at Damon since he kissed Elena, and Damon says that he wouldn’t have kissed Elena if it weren’t for Klaus’s shenanigans.

Sometimes it seems that incest is as much a taboo to a vampire as murder.

Caroline and Elena are horrified to learn that Bill is prepared to die rather than turn into a vampire. Duh. He hates vampires. He also says he didn’t see who killed him. At the Gilbert home, Alaric compiles his massive vampire killing collection from around the far corners of the earth. He comes to the conclusion that Meredith must be guilty, since she was around both of the offending weapons at one point. Elena pats Alaric on the arm in a commiserating “I know what it’s like to love psychos” gesture before heading out to comfort Caroline. But this seems too simple. Someone is trying to frame the Gilberts or their cohorts.

Elijah and Klaus greet Stefan and Damon. (Too many sexy male vampires in the room at once, accompanied by several women/slaves (Damon approves).) Stefan says he doesn’t want to be there. Klaus says he will rip out their insides if they don’t dine with him. And one of the most homoerotic scenes in Vampire Diaries history continues. Tension between exes Stefan and Klaus escalate when Stefan mentions Rebekah and says he doesn’t want to kiss Klaus’s ass. Klaus says he’s confessed killing his mother to Elijah already. Damon says they were supposed to leave grumpy Stefan and home, and Stefan shouldn’t pass judgment on Klaus since he committed patricide. Damon tells him to pace himself. He also says he woke Elijah because “the more, the merrier” as he winks at him. Not to mention Klaus says, “Isn’t it nice, the four of us dining together? Such a treat.”

Elena comforts Caroline outside her house and throws around the word choice. It’s Caroline’s father’s choice to die. She wonders if Tyler stabbed him. Like I said, the list of Mystic Falls murder suspects is endless. Caroline struggles with hating her father, who is currently with her mother, and wanting to save him. She and Elena talk about dead fathers and how hard it is when you know they won’t be there for certain things. As Caroline cries, Matt shows up to support her. (Side note: the two are as surprised to see him as they are a ghost.)

Have you been working out? I have missed a lot.

Elijah asks Stefan about that babe Elena, and Stefan replies that he should ask Damon. Klaus guffaws at this and notes that Elijah missed so much. Stefan says that if Klaus mentions Elena again this dinner is over. Klaus smiles and puts his finger over his mouth. Oh you two. Klaus and Elijah tell the same story with Tatia, the original doppelganger. Every boy wanted her, but Klaus and Elijah loved her the most. They fought. Their mother used Tatia’s blood in the spell that made them vampires. And they reconciled, choosing family over all. Damon gives Stefan a look.

Bonnie updates her mother and they look at a grimoire. It shows a binding spell that requires two generations; they wonder if they work together, can they unbind the coffin? Abby says the witches won’t give her powers back. They’ve been trying to no avail. Bonnie (deservedly) sticks the knife in her mother and says she pretended she was dead since she knew nothing about her and no one talked about her. She said the one way Abby can prove how sorry she is is by opening herself up to the spirits. This pep talk works and they crack open the coffin. Bonnie goes to call Damon. Meanwhile, the coffin lid flies open. Ah!

Damon gets a text from Bonnie. He announces the deal as this: they return the coffin, the originals leave. Elijah says that’s fair, but Klaus points out he’s never going to leave Elena, his doppelganger blood. He also says that Damon and Stefan are the worst things in Elena’s life. They think they can protect her, but she will end up dead or a vampire. Damon goes to “get some air,” Elijah follows him, and Klaus offers Stefan a “drink,” aka a girl. Klaus bites into her as Stefan watches.

This hurts me as much as it hurts you!

Matt walks Elena home. Even he points out that this town is messed up; none of them should have to live this way. Inside, the power is out. They grab flashlights and see a puddle of blood, as well as bloody foot and handprints. Scary! They follow the trail to a stabbed Alaric. No! Alaric says Elena, the doppelganger, has to kill him, so he’ll die a supernatural death and be saved by his ring. But 1) Matt points out this is messed up and 2) Alaric’s ring is running out of steam. Elena stabs him anyway. Yikes. This poor girl. Matt holds Elena, who remains sitting over Alaric’s still dead body. Note: the themes of this episode are choices and family. Matt is alarmed to see Alaric cough back to life. (Thank goodness.) The sheriff tells Elena that Meredith was in surgery for the past six hours, so she has an alibi.

Klaus drinks the “delicious” girl and says that Stefan’s done well at messing up his relationship with Damon, no help needed from him. When Damon and Elijah return, Klaus offers to protect Elena and have her marry someone like Matt. Stefan shakes Klaus’s hand but then says “nice try,” so Klaus breaks Stefan’s arm and leg and shoves his hand into the fireplace. Elijah prevents Damon from helping him. To save his brother, and because luckily Bonnie has made progress, he agrees to grab the coffin. Elijah joins him.

This plot line is too depressing for me to delve into: Bill compliments Caroline and tells her how much he loves her, but he sticks to his beliefs that humans aren’t supposed to cheat death. Parents aren’t supposed to outlive their children. She pleads with him, saying that he’s so strong, he could survive vampire-hood, that he can’t leave her. He says it’s his choice—key word, obviously. He also says that she is wonderful, beautiful, and good, but this is life. He slowly dies, and Caroline and her mother cry over his body.

Klaus, why do you do this and then expect me to be your friend?

Stefan tells Klaus to kill him since he’ll just kill him after Damon and Elijah return. Klaus says that Stefan really has given up. He pushes him and asks where’s the fight in him, where’s the ripper. Even now Klaus can’t give him up. Kind of romantic in a completely messed up way. Unfortunately, they are interrupted. Fortunately, it is by Elijah, Damon, two stakes, and ORIGINAL OVERLOAD, YES: Rebekah, Kol, and Finn begin to attack Klaus. Elijah says he’s learned not to trust Klaus’s lies. He tells Stefan and Damon to move it because this is family business.

Stefan and Damon share a sweet moment when Stefan basically thanks Damon for saving him and Damon says that he owes Stefan for all the times he saved him. Elena calls and Damon actually ignores it for the time being. The two of them admit to loving her. Stefan and Damon go to the cave and find Bonnie and her mother unconscious and the coffin empty.

The Original siblings turn their backs on Klaus. They say that they will forever leave him alone, murder the doppelganger, and kill him with what is in the fourth coffin. They also compare him to their father, which enrages him. Poor Klaus is a mess. He is such a psycho, and he is so distraught. Then the contents of the fourth coffin arrive: their mother. Klaus assumes she is here to kill him, but she says that he is her son, so she is there to forgive him. She wants them to be a family. How awesome is this? First it’s amazing (if sad) that the whole family ganged up against Klaus. Now the band might get back together, and the rest of Mystic Falls and even THE WORLD are in big trouble.

The Vampire Diaries: Daddy Issues (Season 2, Episode 13)

Daddy Issues is full of angst, action, and awesome.

Werewolf Tyler confronts vampire Caroline about discovering that she lied to him. She confesses that she knew that his uncle was killed and that Damon and Stefan are also vampires. Tyler is so angry his eyes "were" out and change color. He's already had trust issues, so this discovery is particularly tragic. Still, his reaction is understandable; his most intense friend was dishonest about the murder of his uncle.

Damon showers. And SCENE. Two shirtless Salvatores in two episodes? They're trying to make up for lost time. On Damon's TV, a reporter mentions the girl Damon killed the night before.

John Gilbert makes breakfast and behaves in his usual cryptic way. Elena is hostile and wearing an awesome ponytail. Jenna and Alaric discover John's presence with disgust. Does Jenna's presence mean she will do something that will endanger someone later in the episode? Very likely. [Note: I was wrong. Well done, Jenna!] John stuns Jenna by informing her that he can drop by when he wants because he is Elena's biological father. (Just when he says this, annoying advertisements on the internet start playing HILARIOUS music, to dramatize his point but also make him look like an idiot.)

Damon's recent murder hangs over a scene in which he and Stefan talk logistics. Stefan tells Damon that John won't tell him anything but that he does know how to save Elena. John also told him that Lucas's warlock father Jonas is working for Elijah. Stefan asserts that Originals like Elijah can't be trusted. He could be right, but he sounds a little paranoid and jealous. He also comments on Damon's feelings about Rose's death, even though, in Damon's words, he only knew her for five minutes. Damon responds that it means he's changing into a great man and Stefan should watch out or he'll get a hero's hairdo of his own and steal his thunder. <-- Probably one of my favorite lines in The Vampire Diaries.

Tyler greets Jules at his door as Caroline lets Stefan into her house. Caroline shows her faith in Stefan by asking him to speak to Tyler and telling him that he always knows the right things to say. The way Caroline says that she and Tyler are "friends" shows how deep their connection is. Or am I reading too much into this? As Stefan expresses reservations, I worry that this might turn into Romeo and Juliet, the difference being that the lovers are fighting right now. Stefan mentions Damon's belief that all werewolves should die, and that Tyler might take revenge, and he deserves to, but might get killed, and so on and so on.

The evil Jules mentions a code that werewolves supposedly live by. They are pack animals, after all, not cat-like vampires. Tyler wins points because he says that her statement that werewolves and vampires can't be friends sounds completely stupid. He looks at her like she is a clueless, old-fashioned fogey. When she tells him to leave Mystic Falls, he looks at her like she's insane. She's basically inviting him to join a gang.

Damon's assertions that he's now a good guy are rather nerve wracking. He admits that he wants to kill John, though he's joking, but not really.

Is anybody shipping Tyler and Stefan? Stefan stealthily appears in Tyler's room and acts like a gangster: "I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to talk." He doesn't let Tyler escape, his eyes glow a little red, and he tells him not to say a word. Tyler's mom looks around for her only son but just thinks, "Hm, that's strange. Where'd he go? Oh well, I'm sure nothing bad has happened because nothing bad ever happens in Mystic Falls. It's not like I'm on an anti-vampire council, or anything."

Brady, a sexy new werewolf character, appears and makes out with Jules. Like Jules, he doesn't fear vampires. Why? Also, why does Jules say that she wants Tyler more than vengeance?

As the distraught and clueless Mystic Falls residents weep at a memorial service, the mayor's wife tells John that Damon Salvatore is leading the council now. (As John nods, the same music that played before plays. Is this Uncle John's loser music?) Jeremy says, "It looks like I slept through the homecoming." It certainly does. He has bed hair. I so want to believe John's nice words.

Bonnie's looking and feeling fine, so she tells off the witch-man Jonas. Jeremy tries to act like a man, and kind of fails, because he's Jeremy. Then he puts his arm around Bonnie as they walk away. Are they a couple now? Jonas might be right in his declaration that Elijah is a man of his word. It doesn't make Elijah less than terrifying. I hope all these naysayers don't make him mad. Or annoyed. I don't think Elijah gets mad.

Jenna and Alaric discuss the weirdness of their lives - minus the supernatural stuff. She's bothered when John wants to join them, but what can she expect. She's at the Mystic Grill, the only place where everyone in the town hangs out.

Damon invades personal John's space and threatens him. Salvatores are good at that.

Jules and her boyfriend attack Caroline, incurring the wrath of fans everywhere, including me. After macing her with vervain and shooting her in the head, the boyfriend unnecessary shoots the freaked out Caroline while she is in a cage. I hope Damon and everyone else kills you, dude.

Tyler hilariously tries to let Stefan know that he's overstayed his welcome: "It's night, man... this is awkward. Please leave."

At Mystic Bar, Jenna introduces Damon to the attractive reporter he saw on TV. He turns turns her down: "Thank you, but I prefer underage girls, like my brother does." Actually, it's touching that Damon turns her down because he thinks it would be bad for her. That's a first. Damon explains this to Elena in what looks like the ladies room. He also says that Jules and her friend should die, which warms the very sickness in my heart. (Thank you, Laertes.) Then John joins them in the toilet.

Caroline's agony continues (wahhh), and we discover that Jules's boyfriend is worse than she is. In fact, she wants him to calm down.

John continues his good guy, "I love you because you're my daughter" act, and it's winning me over.

Jules and Stefan agree to trade Caroline for Tyler, and the Salvatore's walk into yet another werewolf ambush. Smart. Brady asks, "Which one of you killed Mason?" Damon smiles as he admits, "Uhhhh, that'd be me." Werewolves surround our boys - not just werewolves, werewolves carrying flamethrowers, stakes, and more. An EPIC fight ensues. A werewolf attacks Damon by performing acrobatics; Damon rips out his heart while he's in mid-air. Stefan and Damon break necks, use flamethrowers, and catch stakes all over the place.

Tyler finds and, after a moment of hesitation, chooses to release Caroline. Outside, as Stefan and Damon are staked and Jules threatens to shoot Caroline, werewolves start grabbing their heads and falling to the ground in pain. For some reason, the reveal is as surprising as it is amazing. Jonas arrives. He is the source of the mind whammies, which apparently he is doing at Elijah's bidding. They leave Tyler with an ominous message about not messing with Elijah. Poor Tyler wonders, "Who is Elijah? Why are there a bunch of dead bodies around me? And why am I alone in the dark in the woods?"

Stefan walks Caroline home and asks her if she's all right: "You don't have to pretend with me." She responds, "I'm not little girly Caroline anymore." Of course a scene between these two is sweet.

John updates Damon about vampire researcher and vampire Isobel's knowledge and how to kill an Original. He also claims to care about Elena. Join the club. No wonder Caroline was jealous. Now she has her own club.

Matt calls Caroline since they had planned to meet earlier: "Hey! Did something happen?" Kidnapped, tortured, and almost killed. The usual. Caroline lies that she's with Bonnie, but Matt sees Bonnie right in front of him at the Mystic Grill. She's cutely giggling with Jeremy. Apparently, they're dating. It's nice to see at least a few people on this show who are happy. Not Matt; he knows Caroline's a liar though he has no clue what she's been through.

Tyler appears on Caroline's doorstep. She was calm with Matt and Stefan, but she reveals the pain of this night to Tyler by slamming the door on his face and breaking my heart. They could have been wonderful together, but that's what happens when you're tortured all night. Now Tyler's tossed into the cold and he's has nowhere to go.

Elena opens the fridge door because we have at least one "he's behind the door!" moment. The man behind the door is John. He and Elena are kind of poignant, but I'm still worried he's lying. Stefan returns and he and Elena share a much needed embrace.

Tyler turns to the jerk face werwolves. Unfortunately, neither Jules nor Brady were killed. What else was Tyler going to do? Caroline's not at fault; she had a REALLY bad night. But Tyler was understandably horrified when he discovered that not only were there other dangerous vampires in town but that they also murdered his uncle, soon after the death of his father, I might add. Then he saw about eight people violently die in front of him. His statement that he didn't know what to do isn't exactly chivalric but it seems completely true. Poor kid.

Stefan arranges a sleepover for Caroline, but remarkably he doesn't ask to join them. That's the least he deserves for such a great idea.

Cut to: Damon in the bathtub with that reporter. Does everyone in the world to be the date in Damon's bathtub? She calls him, "Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome." He states, "I'm not that tall," but doesn't argue with "dark and handsome." The conversation takes a worrying turn when Damon confesses to being a killer and he has to compel her to stay calm. He admits to being in love with a woman he can never have. Damon really needs to get over women he can't have. Obviously that's not his style. It will probably take centuries to move on from Elena.

He works through his psychological problems with the reporter in a creepy yet almost healthy way. Healthy, because he admits that he kills people because he likes it and it's in his nature. Creepy, because read the previous sentence. Damon proceeds to heavily drink from her. This fellow is undergoing a serious relapse.

Down in the tomb... there's Katherine! I didn't expect to see her for a while. And guess who's offering to help her out? John. I have many choice words for him right now.