The Vampire Diaries: Ordinary People (Season 3, Episode 8)

I'm just a poor lass who likes to drink blood.

Elena and Alaric explore the underground caverns. Damon startles Elena, and is bummed by the ancient Lockwoods’ anti-vampire racism. Alaric points out drawings of werewolves and moon cycles. He also interprets the Viking runes to read the names of the three known originals. The history buff in me is going wild. Isn’t it cool that these dudes are soooo old? They are history? Flashback: Klaus chides Bekah for carving her name into the cave. She is a woman after all. She jokingly calls him traitor and tells him to stop telling father. He is scared of him. She notes that they all are, which is why they must stick together. That didn’t work out. She hands him the blade, purposefully, but playfully, cutting him. What perfect Norse they speak.

Elena wonders if this is one of Klaus’s tricks, but Alaric points out the name Michael, the vampire vampire hunter. Damon dubs him Papa Original. Snazzy music plays as Alaric has a sexy photoshoot with the cave drawings. He tries to decipher their meaning while Damon trains a hot and slightly sassy Elena, who is trying but failing to stake him. She suggests they go straight to the story’s source. Elena confronts Rebekah. At first, Rebekah tells Elena to follow her advice: give up on Stefan until he treats her better. But Rebekah is genuinely frightened when Elena threatens to wake Michael. She says they’re all doomed if he wakes up. Elena wants her to tell her the truth. Rebekah solemnly returns to “the girls.”

Flashback: Elijah and Klaus playfully swordfight as Rebekah and their little brother Henrick look on. Klaus cuts Elijah’s belt. Their parents arrive, and Michael dresses down Klaus before fighting with him and almost stabbing him in the head. Does this show have any good fathers? Present day: Alaric labels one (hilarious) photo of a sun with dripping fangs as a vampire after realizing that they could walk in the sun then. He labels a similar drawing with a moon as a werewolf.

Did you choose the red dress just because I'm a vampire, and you I assume I like the color of blood? Racist.

Elena tells Damon and Alaric that she can deal with Rebekah the cheerleader. Damon hopes she doesn’t “power struggle” herself into a wheelchair. Rebekah texts her to come on over. Do not underestimate Rebekah, Elena. Elena finds Rebekah playing music and drinking champagne. She has compelled the cheerleading squad to model homecoming dresses. When Elena refuses to choose a dress, Rebekah threatens to kill one. Elena quickly picks one, and Rebekah is satisfied she’s shown her who’s boss.

Damon and Stefan scene of awesomeness: Damon visits Stefan because it’s family day at vampire rehab. Stefan tries to convince him to leave, suggests that Elena isn’t safe with Rebekah, and makes fun of Elena’s terrible plans. Damon just calls him a liar and comments that Stefan really has given up. But then he frees Stefan and invites him for a drink. Yay! Elsewhere: is it weird that Bonnie and Alaric seem to have chemistry? People say he and Elena do, but to me theirs is minimal. Alaric shows Bonnie a drawing that looks like Elena’s necklace. He thinks it symbolizes a witch. He also asks her how she is and calls Jeremy an idiot. Alaric knows because he once was a Jeremy. He assures her that he will learn, eventually.

Rebekah snoops around Stefan’s room (he wears boxer briefs) and tells Elena that, after losing a child, their family listened to a witch and moved to a land where people were strong and healthy. These were the werewolves, apparently living in the New World. Flashback: Their family hid underground with the witch Ayana during every full moon. One night, Klaus and the littlest, Henrick, snuck out to watch them. Henrick was killed.

Every day I'm modelin'.

Rebekah says that was the beginning of the end. Damon calls (Rebekah knows it’s him) and says that he’s overdressed, wherever he is. What a surprise. Elena hears Stefan’s voice and scolds Damon for letting him out. Damon says he knows what he’s doing. No one on this show should ever say that. Stefan says he wants a drink that is a little warmer and blonder than whisky. He waves at the bartender. Damon smirks and compels her to give him a drink and offer her arm to Stefan. No one in the bar flinches as Stefan chows down on her arm. Damon flirts with her and she seems aroused. Well well.

How the tables have turned. Damon is giving Stefan advice. They play a drinking game, with alcohol and blood. Stefan says he’s had lots of time to practice drinking. Damon always wanted to have this kind of fun with his brother, but he points out that he likes the edge – Stefan, unfortunately, always falls over it. He can’t “just be.” Stefan is still suspicious. I see why I identify with Stefan now. I can be an all or nothing person.

Elena meangirls Rebekah into continuing the story. Rebekah says Stefan is a vampire, thus predatory, uncaring about human lives, and not a good match for Elena. Elena calls her out for caring about the homecoming dance, puts her down, and makes to leave. Rebekah says that the witch was the one who turned them into vampires. Flashback: Michael and his wife try to convince Ayana to do something about the wolves. She resists but offers a suggestion.

Don't be talking bad bout my fam.

Rebekah says that vampirism was a defense against the wolves. They needed to be more powerful than them. Michael didn’t want to run anymore. Flashback: Ayana says the consequences of living forever as monsters would be too great; the spirits would turn against them. She says she will have no part in this and leaves. Michael says it is in his wife’s hands. Rebekah explains that this original witch was literally that – the witch of the original family: her mother. (So she hates Klaus? She put the curse on them? What?)

Witches are servants of nature, vampires are abominations of nature. The original mother did not become a vampire. She cast a spell and Michael spiked his family’s wine with blood before brutally killing them. Flashback: Michael forces Klaus and Rebekah to drink blood from a girl. Rebekah describes it as “euphoric” and “indescribable.” But nature made them have weaknesses: the sun (their mother gave them protective jewelry), vervain (which grew at the base of the magical oak tree), and the villagers could keep them out of their houses. They burned the oak tree, which was also a danger to them. Their greatest weakness, though, was blood. They didn’t realize they would crave blood, that which transformed them.

This is so similar to season one when Stefan tried to befriend Damon. Also, it’s like two Damons. Hot. Damon dances on the bar with two ladies as Stefan sexually drinks from the bartender’s neck. Damon compels a bystander away and compels the bartender to forget about it. Damon says Stefan needs to fight back against Klaus. Stefan says he can’t be killed. Then, who should show up but Michael? He says hello to the “Salvatore boys.”

Did we just win the most dysfunctional family award? Quite a feat!

Rebekah says that they discovered Klaus’s werewolf side after he killed a human. His mother suppressed his dormant side and turned her back on him. Michael murdered half the village and tore out his wife’s heart in front of Klaus. What a messed up family. Flashback: Rebekah and Elijah say that they will stick with Klaus forever. I didn’t think originals needed jewelry to walk in the sun. Anyway, Rebekah says she still loves Klaus, and she will rip Elena apart if Michael kills him.

Michael interrogates Stefan about Klaus, but Stefan is compelled not to reveal anything. Michael reaches into Damon’s chest and threatens to kill him. He assumes his bond with his brother must be stronger than his link to Klaus. Though Stefan supposedly has no compassion, he eventually says that he can lure Klaus back to Mystic Falls. Michael says he will kill Stefan if he doesn’t kill Klaus. No one in the bar notices. This must be Mystic Falls. This means there is actually another bar here.

After looking at the Sanskrit, Elena realizes that Rebekah doesn’t know the real story. Elena shows Rebekah that Klaus killed his mother and lied to Rebekah. Elena says that Klaus has a hold over everyone and he has for a thousand years. I thought Klaus was the oldest vampire. Isn’t Rebekah? Why is Klaus stronger than all of them? Because of his werewolf side? Rebekah flips and gets real close and angry with Elena before collapsing in tears. Sad that Michael’s terror shifted to Klaus. Rebekah weeps by the fireside.

Surely there must be slash fanfiction about us.

I love this dynamic: Damon chides Stefan for taking so long to have his breakthrough. Stefan denies this; he says he saved his life because he wanted freedom from Klaus. He sounds a lot like Damon. Damon, also emotionally stifled, says that he has to save Stefan because… he has to. He owes him, he can’t let him rot, Stefan saved him, Stefan got him into this mess, etc. Stefan teases him about his humanity, and Damon kicks the crap out of him. Stefan finds this amusing. These guys.

PROFOUND SCENE: Damon appears in Elena’s bed and asks if she’s mad at him. He says that Michael is here, and Stefan’s a dick, but he’s on their side. Elena says she found out that Rebekah is just a vulnerable girl who loves blindly and recklessly. She gives Damon a meaningful look. He appears surprised. She says she thinks Stefan’s love for Damon, not her, will be what saves Stefan. She goes to sleep with him next to her.