The Vampire Diaries: The Departed (Season 3, Episode 22)

Alaric is getting revenge for how many times he's been killed!

The episode begins with Elena cheerfully waking up in her bed. She turns up some music and dresses in her cheerleading outfit. Aunt Jenna and Elena’s mother are there. Jeremy, fourteen, has not so subtly locked himself in the bathroom. Then Elena wakes up in a hospital bed. Meredith assures Jeremy that, other than a concussion, Elena is okay. The “concussion” is an excuse for flashbacks. She asks Jeremy if he wants to call anyone. He looks annoyed because he realizes he should probably call the Salvatores.

The brothers tell Jeremy to bring Elena home. For once Jeremy has done the right thing, but he can’t win. Calling 911 is not the answer when Elena is linked to the life of a dangerous vampire killer. Damon thanks Stefan for not being the stupidest brother ever, and Stefan says that one of them must hide Klaus so Alaric doesn’t kill him and the rest of his bloodline. Damon puts it very well when he says that their life is one big proverbial coin toss.

Elena’s friends, sans Bonnie, usher her home. Caroline tucks her into the couch and gets her tea and vodka (a good mix after a concussion, I’m sure). Elena dreams about her relationship with Matt. Back in the day when Caroline bugged her, Bonnie thought Elena and Matt were sweet, but Elena should be honest about her feelings. She wakes up to see Matt. Elena apologizes for stringing them along, and now leading on the Salvatores. She thinks she must decide what she wants and let one of them go. Stefan arrives and comforts her. It seems as though she always will love Stefan, even if she also loves Damon.

Alaric shows up to check on his ward. He also empties Meredith’s vampire blood vials and says they will suspend her medical license. I would feel worse for Meredith if Alaric’s words about the inefficiency of the vampire council weren’t so true. Alaric goes to the bar where he meets Jeremy. Alaric makes Jeremy a tempting proposition. Help him find Klaus’s body and free Elena and everyone else from a world of vampires. He says that Jeremy had better be on the right side of this. Alaric even suggests that Bonnie trap or desiccate him until Elena dies.

RIP Elena Gilbert the human.

Elena doesn’t want to be coddled by her ex-boyfriends, and she doesn’t want to follow Matt’s reasonable suggestion that she move. Stefan tells Matt that he really appreciates free will after losing it. Then who should show up but the wonderful Elijah. He wants to know where Klaus’s body is, but he promises not to revive him for decades, perhaps centuries (to teach him manners and keep Elena and her immediate descendants safe). He plans to lead Alaric around the world on a wild goose chase until Elena dies. Damon is on speakerphone, and he is adamantly opposed to Elijah’s “word.” He’s sure Elijah’s “lunatic siblings” will kill Elena once they get the chance. Elijah notes that he could have immediately killed Elena, but he didn’t. Stefan leaves it up to her. Elena agrees.

Jeremy tells Matt about Alaric’s offer. The two of them want to whisk Elena away. Jeremy says that even if he wanted to help Alaric, he doesn’t know where Klaus’s body is. Plot twist of the century: Matt does. Jeremy calls Alaric (still drinking, even in the afterlife) to tell him that Damon plans to bury Klaus in the woods off route 12. Everyone else is in on Jeremy’s little prank. He thinks Alaric bought it, but is he really that stupid?

Mrs. Forbes and Mrs. Lockwood tell Tyler and Caroline that Alaric outed them to the council. Their two children have to leave town. Caroline agrees to run away with Tyler (forever?) after they help their friends. They plan to meet up in two hours. Their supernatural if tragic bond seems too good to be true. I have a bad feeling about Tyler’s survival. After claiming that every bad idea stems from Elena, Damon leads Bonnie to a warehouse where Klaus is stored (irony). Klaus’s eyes creepily pop open. He seems to be sentient. She asks for a moment to tell Klaus off and rationalize letting him out of their sight. Elena frets about Bonnie and Damon, but Stefan promises to do what he can to keep everyone safe. She wants to say something but says they can talk later. “In case there is no later,” he kisses her. You can tell he wonders if it is the last time.

Damon points out yet again that it’s better Elena hate him and live than like him and die. Of course, Stefan is trying to keep her alive, too. Damon plans to meet “sexy Beks,” but instead is put in a headlock by Alaric who asks where Klaus is. (Thanks to Alaric’s stellar leadership, the police are now model law enforcers.) Damon says he’s in one of the thousand lockers. For some reason, Alaric knocks him out, making Damon incapable of helping but perfectly capable of continuing to plot Alaric’s demise in the future. I guess he wants bodyguards for Elena.

Don't trust those puppy dog eyes.

Matt is a remarkable ex-boyfriend. He listens to Elena talk about how Stefan saved her life and helped her live again after her accident and parents’ death. (Stefan also helped her relive that, but Elena doesn’t want to go down that memory lane.) He makes her glad to be alive. But apparently her feelings for Damon are all consuming when she’s with him. I honestly didn’t know that until this moment. I kind of wish they had showed that more. I’d seen attraction and affection in her eyes, but overwhelming, passionate love? She wishes her mother were there to advise her.

She remembers her mother’s advice when she had a fight with Matt. Her mom said that Elena had to be honest and set Matt free. She wasn’t going to lose him. Er, how does she know that? I know some people remain friends with exes, but I am not best buddies with mine, and I don’t think that’s completely abnormal. Elena wakes up in a pickup truck with Matt. Apparently he drugged her with tea so he could take her out of town. Elena’s reaction is hilarious; yet another male is trying to control her?!

Rebekah goes to meet Damon but, in spite of being one of the oldest vampires on the planet, can hear neither Alaric nor Damon. In fact, Damon even does the “grab from behind and cover her mouth for her own good” thing. Give me a break. This episode has had an “I want to protect you” from Tyler to Caroline, from Jeremy and Matt to Elena, from everyone to Elena, and now Damon has to protect a thousand year old vampire because… she’s a woman? I’ve often liked the strong women in The Vampire Diaries, but they are doing a good job of trying to undermine them. If this were Elijah, Damon would not be doing the sexy grab thing. Anyway, Alaric stops them from removing Klaus and stabs Klaus in the heart. Klaus burns and Rebekah cries (Claire Holt is always so good) before Damon tells her to run and chivalrously stands up to Alaric who just tosses him out of the way.

Damon calls Stefan to tell him the bad news. A teary eyed Stefan knows that his brother might die without, as Damon puts it, saying his “epic goodbye” to him. Stefan wishes Damon could say goodbye to Elena. He feebly mutters that Klaus was lying about him being their sire. Jeremy confesses that Elena isn’t at home. Caroline and Elijah show up. In a scene reminiscent of Elena’s joy ride with Stefan, Elena begs that Matt turn back. Matt tearfully says that they are close enough to Damon so that she can choose whether to say goodbye to Damon or Stefan. She might choose to go to Stefan just to say goodbye to three rather than one of her friends.

Elena's life has passion, adventure, and way, way too much danger.

Elena calls Damon to say goodbye because she is indeed going home to see Stefan and her friends. Damon still asks her who she would choose to bid farewell between the two brothers. This choice seems rather sadistic. Elena says that she loved Stefan immediately and she still does. Though she cares for Damon, and maybe would feel differently if she met him first (presumably not in his sociopathic incarnation?), she has to let him go. A crying Elena insists that Damon will survive this. Also, Alaric shows up and punches Damon.

Caroline, bawling her eyes out runs to “Tyler.” She tells him that Klaus is dead. Tyler gives her a speech reminiscent of Elena’s: she has a beautiful future ahead of her, and she is strong. He wants her to tell his mother that he ran off. He feels pain and starts to transform into a wolf. Caroline doesn’t feel anything. He tells her to go, and she finally does. I actually shed tears here, but it turns out the writers completely trolled me on this one. One of my favorite couples was usurped by the only couple on the show that physically repulses me. I’ll get to that later.

Elena tells Matt about Tyler. He starts to freak out. She tries to calm him down, and he poignantly says that this isn’t how their lives were supposed to be. A red-faced Rebekah shows up in the woods. She and Elijah embrace. There is something very tragic about seeing these strong, old creatures mourn their helplessness and inability to save their (crazy) brother. Elijah says that Tyler is dead (is he?!), but why are the others alive? The two of them are sure that Klaus was their originator.

In a big WTF twist which has somehow been done before, we discover that Bonnie has transferred Klaus’s spirit into Tyler. So either Tyler is dead or he’s in that special place possessed people go on this show. Bonnie says she did it for her family and friends, but no one is going to be pushing her around anymore. You go girl.

Wasn't my advice just as good as your mom's?

Rebekah calls Stefan to tell him that the deal is clearly off, with Klaus dead. She doesn’t want to spend any more of her life running. She stands in middle of the bridge, causing Matt to veer off into the water. We see Elena struggling for air as her father tries to escape. They’re under water. He says that they will be fine. Alaric beats up Damon (instead of just killing him?) and says that their friendship made him weak.

Apparently, Elena really did meet Damon first. Damon remembers meeting her before her parents died. He mistakes her for Katherine before advising her that she wants an all-consuming love with a little bit of danger. I had assumed her love for Stefan was pretty strong (and hey, he was the mysterious guy) when they first got together, but hey, no reason not to rewrite the past on this show. He then compels her to forget their meeting.

Scenes of Elena struggling in the water in the past are split with present scenes. This is all beautifully shot, and the Sigur Ros song is gorgeous. But I am distracted by Elena yelling “Matt,” “Dad,” and “I love you,” when she should be saving her air. In the past, Stefan shows up like Aquaman and saves an unconscious Elena. In the present, he and she take way too long silently arguing who he should save. Can’t he save them both? He’s a super powered vampire. She insists he save Matt first, and he does. She looks satisfied but slips into unconsciousness. CPR, anyone?

Alaric tries to stake Damon, but Damon overpowers Alaric. Damon realizes that the only reason Alaric is growing weaker is because Elena is dying. Damon panics: “You are not dead!” Vampire ghost Alaric says goodbye to Jeremy and says that he will always be there for him. Jeremy realizes that his sister must be dead. Stefan cries by Elena’s dead body at the hospital. Stefan, you really did fail on this one. You are incredibly fast and strong, and yet you couldn’t save two people at once? He should have saved Elena’s family, too, I guess. Damon is enraged. Meredith proves herself a huge liar because she downplayed the severity of Elena’s brain damage. Meredith gave her vampire blood to survive. I guess that’s what happens when you just go around healing people with vampire blood. If they happen to die, Meredith really is breeding more vampires, without anyone’s consent. I mean, sure, it’s good they’re alive, but she really is a horrible doctor. As we’ve seen some people would rather die than become a bloodthirsty creature of the night. Elena gasps to life. She is a vampire. No longer is this a story of a human girl caught between two vampires.

The Vampire Diaries: Before Sunset (Season 3, Episode 21)

Their love is legendary.

Alaric the vampire vampire-hunter doesn’t sleep, he waits. At his desk. At school. Caroline plans to clean up after the dance, but Tyler says he has to help Klaus move. For now, Klaus has given up on Caroline, but he thinks Tyler is still sired to him. Tyler says that this will all be over soon, but I’m not sure how they expect Klaus to get out of their hair without Elena. Miraculously, Rebekah is there, exactly on time. She and Caroline express condolences for Esther’s and Alaric’s deaths. I love Rebekah and their exchange. Alaric tries to kill Rebekah, but Caroline saves her. They stab him, but the stake does not kill him. In the parking lot, Alaric breaks Caroline’s neck and drags her away before he burns into a crisp, as Rebekah watches.

Jeremy and Elena are painting Alaric’s room in order not to think. Stefan shows up and offers support, but Jeremy is confused by his mom’s, er, sister’s romantic choices. He asks if they’re together again. Stefan says no, so Jeremy says that if Stefan is trying to be the good guy again, he should let them have one vampire-free day. I’m glad that at least one person is like, “GTFO vampires, and I am sick of team Stelena, team Delena crap.” Damon shows up with a bloody Bonnie Bennett.

Rebekah updates Klaus and demands that they leave immediately. Klaus says he’ll have to grab Elena first, and Rebekah rightfully calls his hybrids stupid. She tearfully tells him to choose hybrids or his family, vowing that they will look out for one another, but Klaus’s psychosis is too deep. Of course he chooses slaves over his loving sister. She storms out. Chez Salvatore, Damon blames Bonnie for Alaric’s transition, but Bonnie explains she had no choice. She also points out that Damon saved her life, so how mad can he really be? He adds that to his list of stupid acts, such as letting his “friend die with dignity” when he should have killed him. Bonnie says Alaric can’t be immortal, but she doesn’t yet know what the loophole is.

Stefonnie shippers better be all over this.

Alaric calls Elena and threatens to kill Caroline. She is tied to a school desk with pencils stabbed through her hands. Mystic Falls police are the worst. Alaric has lived with two of his students and now he is keeping one captive. I guess the police officers’ lives are just as messed up. Unfortunately for Jeremy, his day is not at all vampire-free. Klaus shows up, and the Salvatores send Jeremy to his room. Klaus is looking for Elena. Damon slams the door on his face. Stefan goes upstairs to find her, but she’s gone. Klaus picks up a newspaper outside and chucks it through the window.

Elena finds Caroline. Alaric says Elena can free Caroline. She starts to pull a pencil out, but Alaric stops her and asks, “How many times do I have to tell you? Stop trusting vampires!” I like evil-Alaric more in this episode. No neighbors have called the police about Klaus. No surprise there. In a hilarious scene, Klaus throws a soccer ball and pieces of white picket fences through their door. He lights a newspaper on fire, and replies to Stefan’s demands to stop with “come outside and make me.” After receiving a phone call, Stefan tells Klaus that Alaric will kill Elena and Caroline if Klaus doesn’t turn himself in. Klaus wonders if this will lead to his certain death. Stefan wishes it wedidre, but he doesn’t want Tyler, himself, or the other vampires he knows to die. Though previously mad at Alaric’s alter ego, Damon says he’ll take those odds. Stefan just wants to figure out a way to put Alaric down.

The three brainstorm on the porch. Klaus suggests Damon distract Alaric while Stefan saves Elena. Damon asks what’s to stop him from getting killed instantly. Klaus responds: “nothing.” He will always love Stefan. Damon asks if Klaus still likes Caroline or if she turned him down one too many times. Damon is really team Klaus/Caroline. Maybe he doesn’t like Klaus constantly trying to take his place with Stefan, who points out that this bickering isn’t doing anything. Bonnie suggests she try the desiccation spell her mother used on Mikael. They’ll still need all hands on deck, including Klaus’s. Klaus points out that the sun will set in eight hours, and if all fails, he will be long gone by then.

The parental figures I actually want to die just won't go away!

Alaric has been gagging Caroline with a cloth dipped in vervain, making every breath feel like “inhaling razor blades.” L He tells Elena he’s doing this to make it easier when she puts Caroline out of her misery. This is what Elena’s been training for: vampire killing. Klaus and Stefan arrive at the school. Klaus says that he will take Elena with him, if she doesn’t die. Stefan says he’ll go with them then. Clearly thrilled, Klaus explains why he is team Stefan/Elena, if he can’t have him, or if it will keep Stefan with him. Stefan says that he and Damon have grown closer. Klaus asks how they’ll feel if Elena chooses Damon over Stefan, who says that they’ve been through worse than Klaus. Poor Klaus is jealous of Stefan’s relationship with Damon, and obviously Damon’s relationship with Stefan.

Bonnie paces the floor waiting for Abby. Damon jokes about Abby’s reliable track record. Look who’s talking. Abby does show up. She is obviously still peeved at Damon. Abby hears the plan, but she says that Bonnie shouldn’t and can’t handle the dark magic needed to “parch a vampire,” as Damon says. (He notes he’s team Bonnie here. I have to admit, I thought Bonnie/Damon shippers were crazy in season one, but I actually like them together more than Damon and Elena.) She said that to stop a vampire heart, you have to stop a human heart. Did Abby kill someone?

Bonnie and Damon join Jeremy at the school. Damon wants Jeremy to take off his ring so he doesn’t become another psycho case if he dies. But, hello? Jeremy wants to keep it on and live. Damon doesn’t want to see Jeremy dead, though. I guess the spell just temporarily stops a human heart. They all swig from a little bottle of Bonnie’s blood, somehow strengthening the spell. Klaus confesses that he is their originating vampire, but is he telling the truth?

Bonnie: saving people who ruined her life since 2009.

Elena asks Alaric why he’s doing this. Do not ask that question ever again, Elena. Yet I forgive her. I also like Alaric’s little speech about how she doesn’t know what’s right or wrong anymore, and that siding with sadistic murderers would not make her parents proud. He tells her to stab Caroline, but she goes for him. He says he thought he taught her better than that. She notes, “You did,” and breaks a glass of vervain on the side of his face. She frees Caroline, but Alaric stops Elena before she can escape. Caroline runs into Klaus, who covers her mouth and whispers that she is safe. I might have liked them together, but their syrupy scenes ruin them for me. Apparently he genuinely cares about her, because he tells her to go home and stay inside. They’ll save Elena. Why does he like her? I choose to believe it’s because she reminds him of his sister, because Klaus has family issues.

Alaric throws Elena around and threatens to kill her, “the worst offender of them all.” But he does not kill her. Stefan and Damon ambush him, and he breaks their spines. Klaus grabs him and tries to rip out his heart. Bonnie starts the spell, as Jeremy just lies there in the woods. I can’t tell if he’s bored or turned on. Alaric breaks the connection by pushing Klaus away. He grabs the stake and tries to stab Klaus. Elena threatens to kill herself. She assumes that because her blood made vampire Alaric, her death will kill Alaric. Esther wanted an unstoppable killing machine, not an eternal one. Elena is hardcore; she starts cutting her own throat, and Alaric yells for her to stop. Klaus kicks him off, snatches Elena, and runs away. Alaric orders the Salvatores to get up and do what they do best: save Elena.

Elena wakes up at Klaus’s house, where a nurse drains her of blood. Klaus plans to kill Alaric by draining her of all her blood. Tyler stumbles onto the scene. Elena asks for help, and for Stefan, the first person she thinks of. This makes sense, in a way; Stefan is the one she’s been in a relationship with longest. She’s close to Damon, but Stefan’s recent actions have probably sent her back down memory lane, and not the recent, bad memory lane. Klaus says Tyler has to get him more bags. Tyler moves to help her, but Klaus physically stops him. Tyler leaves. Dang, this is turning out to be a fine episode. Klaus “comforts” her by saying that as the last drop of blood falls, she’ll simply fall asleep. It will be completely painless. This being Klaus, his words sound more menacing than sympathetic.

RIP. The bottom of the ocean should be pretty peaceful, dark, and quiet, other than a few nibbling fish.

Elena is fading, but she observes that Klaus won’t be able to make a huge army from her remaining blood. He delusionally says that his family will protect him, copying Stefan’s sentiments in claiming that his mother’s attempts on their lives drew them closer together. She says that if he believed his remaining family trusts him, he wouldn’t need to make any hybrids. He tries to turn the tables on her, saying that he’s saving her from the pain of choosing between brothers, because she, instead of him, is the one who tore them apart. I love that we see Klaus’s obsession with the Salvatores’ bond, the connection he wished he had. He gets in her grill and says “between us girls,” which one would you have picked? (I know this isn’t important, but Klaus is totally bisexual. As any vampire who’s 1,000 years old should be. Vampires are sexual beings and fooling around with one sex for that long would get old.) Is he hoping to whisk Stefan away? She chooses Rot in Hell, and he says, “you’re welcome.” Klaus touches her creepily, wishes her “sweet dreams,” and says “it’s been fun” before walking away.

Tyler sneaks in and starts to free a struggling Elena, but Klaus shows up again. In another great scene, Klaus says “so much for the sire bond.” Tyler says he’s no longer Klaus’s little bitch because he broke his bones 100 times for the girl he loved. Klaus thinks that’s impossible, but Tyler says that real love might be stronger than fake loyalty. Klaus says he gave him a gift, but Tyler says, I’m not your toy—you don’t want me, you just like the attention, yes it’s all false love and affection (courtesy La Roux). Tyler runs to Elena, and Klaus knocks them over. Elena hits her head and possibly her neck. Stefan and Damon swoop in. Stefan and Klaus share an intense moment (of course) as Stefan tries to grab Klaus’s heart, in an attempt to stop Klaus’s heart instead of Alaric’s. So how will they handle Alaric?

Bonnie has a witchgasm and Jeremy passes out. Klaus tearfully looks into Stefan’s eyes as Tyler holds Klaus and Damon takes care of Elena. Stefan looks hopeful that this will work—but also sad. Klaus turns to Tyler. Both of his ex-boyfriends/slaves are trying to take him down. Klaus looks pleadingly into Stefan’s eyes as he desiccates. I guess this means Klaus can be resuscitated later. Dying at Stefan’s hands, with Klaus’s angsty feelings of betrayal, is exactly the way I wanted him to go. Would you believe I don’t read fanficiton? The spell is complete. Bonnie or the ring manages to revive Jeremy.

Bonnie is horrible. A vampire bit her. How could she?

Klaus falls to the ground. Stefan’s voice sounds like it’s going to break when he says “we should get her home before the sun sets.” The others are freaked and shaken, wary of Klaus’s body and ready to get out of there, but Stefan needs a moment. Tragedy! Stefan and Damon escort Elena to her house. And, thank goodness, she outright says that she knows it’s selfish to string them along. I don’t think she’s selfish, just confused. She says that, after losing so many people, she doesn’t want to choose one and lose the other. Damon looks to Stefan for some words, but all Stefan can manage is “it’s been a long day.” Damon’s voice is husky as he says that they’ll call her from the road, when they’re done dumping Klaus’s body in the Atlantic. She tells the both of them to be careful.

Elena walks into the kitchen to find a “victory party,” aw! Though Alaric’s still out there, they have been trying to get rid of Klaus for more than a season. Matt is sad he couldn’t take another original down, since he’s as stealthy as a ninja. Tyler points out he would be in the hospital (at best). Caroline states that Elena will have to choose between Salvatores eventually. She really doesn’t. They could be in a polygamous relationship, she could choose someone else, or she could choose to be single. But Elena agrees. She thanks Tyler, who says his change of heart has been a long time coming. He and Caroline are wonderful together. Elena doesn’t approve of Jeremy drinking, even though she drinks and she’s almost his age. She’ll make one exception. Tyler momentarily terrifies everyone by asking, “Do you hear that? That’s the sound of a Klaus free life.” They toast to their family. I am a sucker for scenes like this.

I can’t say I don’t find it amusing that Alaric calls together the vampire council and exposes the sheriff and mayor for having supernatural children and being crap at their jobs. He surprises everyone by revealing that he is also a vampire. Why can’t every episode of TVD be like this? This is amazing, people are actually having conversations. Damon has the rest of the gang’s “we won” attitude, and he makes Stefan say it out loud “with feeling.” Stefan admits that they are a good team, and Damon says that he is in a good mood with Klaus dead and his brother halfway sane again. Stefan brings up Elena’s choice. Damon says that she’ll probably make a list of pros and cons and then dump them both. If she chooses, she chooses. Stefan says he’ll leave town if she chooses Damon. Damon clearly thinks he’ll lose, but he says he’ll do the same, and then they can be brothers again after she dies. They agree that all this over one girl is a bit much, but indeed they both think she is a special girl. Not that special, guys… c’est l’amour.

Elena tells Jeremy that their parents and Alaric were right. All vampires should die. But if she has to be the bad guy for wanting her friends and their family to live, so be it. Jeremy says that Alaric doesn’t actually want any of this, and he might end up killing Elena to commit suicide. Jeremy won’t let that happen. He walks out, and she continues to paint the room-of-dead-guardians, which they both hate. Her head and neck start to hurt, her nose bleeds, and she falls down to the floor.

Vampires, everywhere.