The Vampire Diaries: Do Not Go Gentle (Season 3, Episode 20)

1920s? Close enough.

Klaus’s art is interesting, but I can’t help but laugh every time we see him paint. If we just saw the aftermath, that would be okay, but showing him draw only after it was mentioned feels like an afterthought. “Rebekah” (Esther) supposedly gives Klaus the last white oak stake, which he throws into the fire. He wants to leave now that Stefan has turned him down, but his sister/mother asks him to go to the dance. She mentions Caroline. He shows some emotion but says that means nothing to him. “Bekah” then says that he should go for her, his sister, and, after a suspicious look, he agrees. The originals seem very incestuous, but that’s the least of their problems. Also, Caroline/Klaus is the one ship I do not in any way get. Why, just, why would a mass murdering psychopath who cares only about blood relatives and a bloodthirsty vampire go for a bubbly and inexperienced teenager? No eighteen year old would be a challenge for a one thousand year old. Caroline puts up less of a fight than any normal human would.

Alaric’s evil alter ego pretends to be his good self, lying to Damon that he doesn’t know what happened to the stake, and he has to head out into the woods. “Rebekah” returns and refuses to tell Alaric where the real stake is until she’s back in Esther’s body. Alaric stabs her with the special dagger dipped in oak ash. She falls to the ground and the real Esther wakes up. If Esther in Rebekah’s body is still a vampire, how was she able to walk into the cave? I don’t usually care much about inconsistencies like this, but The Vampire Diaries has had one too many mess-ups. It’s getting confusing as to when something is actually important or just a mistake on the writers’ part. On another note, is anyone else sorry that Rebekah will miss yet another dance?

Caroline wonders why Rebekah didn’t show up to set up her own dance. She also ships Matt and Jeremy who are hanging up stars. Caroline’s fairly nonplussed about Elena’s makeout session with Damon, but she insists that Elena take Stefan to the dance. Caroline really likes them together, maybe because of what Stefan’s done for Elena and Caroline, maybe because Caroline doesn’t want anyone to suffer her ex. To be honest, it kind of makes me want Caroline and Stefan to get together down the road, though I love her with Tyler. Also, Bonnie asked Jamie to the dance. Caroline’s probably hoping for a date, as well.

Is Matt the bus boy, no matter the decade?

Elena calls Stefan and awkwardly asks him to the dance. He accepts, and looks concerned but happy. Damon quips about accidentally stabbing Elena in the chest with a corsage, indicating out that Stefan isn’t exactly a safe choice, anywhere. Damon visits Doctor Meredith. He searched Alaric’s apartment, and found that Alaric hadn’t been taking Bonnie’s herbs. Meanwhile, Esther leads Alaric to the place where Klaus ripped out her heart, which is now a tomb. She convinces him to give over his ring. She drops it in a large chalice, melts it with magic, and dips the oak steak into the liquid metal. It hardens. Now it will not burn up after staking one original. She rather cheesily dubs it “the ultimate weapon for the ultimate hunter.” This is explained later, but initially I was puzzling over this phrase. Alaric is a horrible hunter. He couldn’t even kill his very human girlfriend. The ultimate prey, she meant? Except they’ve managed to establish that originals are pretty easy to kill.

At the dance, Caroline tells Matt that Elena is spoken for, and he should watch out for his safety. She then leaves him forever alone at the sight of an adorably dressed Tyler. He certainly fits into the time period. He says that he’s jealous of Klaus, but he’s also competitive. (Would you be jealous of Ted Bundy?) He literally sweeps a giggling Caroline off her feet. Jeremy awkwardly runs into his ex, Bonnie, and her date, the sweet Jamie. She is worried about him still wearing the ring, but Jeremy says that he’ll take off his ring when his sister stops hanging out with vampires.

Stefan picks up Elena from her house, and they share a moment, joking about how they have to go to the dance and live their lives. Does she really have to choose between brothers? Because I have a longer memory than the characters, I’m still a little scared of Stefan. She really should choose neither. Ah well. The two arrive at the dance and joke about Stefan’s 1920s dance moves and blackouts. Killing people sadistically is a barrel of laughs. She wants to dance it up, the way Damon would, but he waits for a slow song to make his move. He doesn’t want to hear about what happened between her and Damon. After all he put her through, he’s just honored to be her date. Judging by her apprehensive expression, she doesn’t seem to want to think about what he put her through.  He also says that he will apologize to Bonnie about her mother, though it will probably be futile. Suddenly, a wild Damon appears.

This is definitely behind the scenes. No one had this much fun.

Damon says that Alaric might kill Elena since she sympathizes with vampires. Oh no, not Elena! Damon wants to put Alaric, his best bud, out of his misery. Jeremy shows up and says Damon’s out of his mind. He’s right about that one. Jeremy also seems to be displaying very strong anti-vampire sentiments. Elena runs outside and into Esther who says that, willing or not, Elena will come. Elena follows. Damon and Stefan stride towards Elena only to realize that they are trapped in the school by a circle of salt. Esther cast a spell.

Jamie likes Bonnie’s friends, in spite of their weirdness. Poor Bonnie says that they’re the most important things in the world to her, and Jamie can’t be that normal since he agreed to go to the dance with her. After she tentatively kisses him, they start making out. Damon interrupts their “seven minutes in heaven” to announce their problem. On the dance floor, Tyler senses Klaus’s presence. Klaus asks where Tyler’s been (“mate”) and notes that he didn’t give him permission to leave. He asks to dance with Caroline. She says no, but Tyler accedes, to make Klaus think he’s still sired. Caroline asks why Klaus has to always prove he’s the alpha male. Klaus amazingly replies, “I don’t have to prove anything, love, I am the alpha male.” He and she dance as she looks at Tyler. He says Caroline would have loved the wild sexy girls of the 1920s who danced until they dropped. She should be nice to him since he’s leaving. She’s unimpressed, but he says that she’ll turn up at his doorstep in a year or a century because a small town life and a small town boy won’t be enough for her. Uh, couldn’t she leave both of these without going to Klaus?

Klaus leaves a phone message for Rebekah about how stupid this dance is. He then asks about the salt surrounding the school. Stefan helpfully says, “You’re mother’s back.” It’s funny to see the Salvatores, Klaus, and miscellaneous humans gathered in a room as Bonnie works her magic. Jeremy suggests that the humans cross the salt threshold to stop Esther, but the vampires look skeptical. Klaus threatens Jamie so Bonnie will work harder. Stefan convinces his ex not to hurt Jamie by claiming that Bonnie will let all the vampires die if they start killing humans.

I have a weakness for blondes. And guys that use hair gel.

In a big twist, Esther reveals that she will turn Alaric into a vampire hunting vampire, like Mikael, as strong as the originals. She will use dark magic to accomplish this. Every time he died and briefly visited the afterlife, Esther made contact with him, nurturing his dark hatred of vampires. Yikes! Unfortunately, I find Alaric’s glowering more humorous than threatening. Elena pleads with Alaric, saying that this isn’t him, he can’t want this. He says this is him and Elena only knows his weakest parts. Vampires are evil, and the blood of their victims are on his hands. First of all, dark Alaric is portrayed as evil, but the fact that the characters don’t care that their lovers and friends are serial killers is downright sociopathic. Elena doesn’t hesitate to refute “evil Alaric,” even after everything vampires have done to her. Second, how many times have we seen Elena plead with someone she loves, and the person, usually a man, says this is his true nature? We don’t need any more scenes like this. Esther cuts and bleeds Elena’s hand with magic. Alaric drinks the blood, and Esther kills him.

Jeremy donates blood so Bonnie can locate Elena. She tries, in spite of Damon and Klaus “lurking” over her. Damon doesn’t want to apologize, since he blames Elijah for Abby’s “death.” Bonnie says there’s always a choice. Esther is fighting her, so Bonnie can’t locate Elena. Bonnie guesses that Esther’s channeling a hotspot. Klaus knows where. Caroline is mad at Stefan for letting the humans leave to find Esther. But she tries to calm him. Stefan doesn’t want anybody to die, including Tyler, who has joined Stefan’s “I once loved but now hate Klaus” club. He wonders if killing Klaus will be the best option. Caroline says she doesn’t want Tyler to die because she loves him.

Esther tries to convince Elena that Jenna is in a peaceful place as she was pure, even as a vampire. Also, she refutes Elena’s claim that she is as bad as Klaus, killing the good with the bad. I have to agree with Esther—the “good” vampires have still murdered innocents. Klaus has eaten and tortured countless people who never hurt anyone. Still, Esther is ruthless. When Jeremy and Matt appear, Esther makes them point their weapons at one another. Alaric awakens and stabs Esther. He is confused. As Esther said, he would be himself for a little while.

I'm serious, Tyler! You're the cutest gangster I've ever seen.

Klaus blames Stefan for releasing his mother in the name of revenge. Stefan says he’s done with revenge. Klaus tries to reminisce about the 1920s, which had real moments of friendship and brotherhood. He says, “We’re strange bedfellows, you and I,” and I can’t help but misconstrue that. (Or am I misconstruing it?) Damon jumps in saying Stefan already has a brother, “not to get all territorial.” Klaus says he knows about the Salvatore’s epic bond, but it might weaken when Elena makes her choice. Bonnie says the spell is broken, and Klaus skedaddles. Stefan thanks her, but she says she didn’t do it for him.

Alaric doesn’t want to complete his transition. Jeremy is disappointed that yet another family member will die. Alaric says that his friend Damon will make sure everything goes down. Elena starts blaming herself again, but Alaric states that taking care of them was the closest to the life he imagined. I laughed aloud when I saw the townspeople (aka the cast) waiting outside with torches to honor Alaric. Still, their expressions are somber. Damon’s is especially heartbreaking. Alaric the unstoppable killing machine sounds extremely dangerous, so he deserves to be honored for his decision. Matt and Bonnie are teary about their teacher’s impending death, and Meredith, who hardly knows him, is also upset. Alaric walks back into the tomb and shuts the door. Wah!

Klaus undaggers his sister and yells at his mother’s corpse. He hopes she will be haunted by his existence for eternity. Yadda yadda he’s an egomaniac, etc.  Matt and Jeremy share a drink at the bar. “To Mr. Saltzman,” Matt says. Jeremy sheds a single tear after correcting him, “Alaric.” Elena freaks out as she cleans Alaric’s locker of his vampire hunting weapons. Stefan takes her into the gym and says that “someone” told him that emotions, good and bad, are what make us human. She thinks that was horrible advice and can’t accept that she has no one. Stefan says that she has him.

Damon drinks and mourns. Meredith gave him a sedative so he wouldn’t suffer. Damon’s insulted that Alaric refused his neck snap option. Meredith tells him to go visit Alaric. In a painful but poignant scene, Damon apologizes for killing Alaric, who teases Damon about the romantic dream he gave to Rose before she died. Tears roll down Alaric’s face, and the two drinking buddies celebrate the way they always do: with liquor.

Jamie thinks Bonnie’s amazing and asks if she’ll be okay by herself. She says no, so he plans to stay and comfort her. Bonnie and Jamie spoon on her bed. She dreams that Esther visits her, saying that her sisters need Bonnie to finish this. Damon watches his friend die. He stumbles outside to find Bonnie. He thinks she’s sleepwalking. She gives him a vampire migraine before stabbing her hand and feeding Alaric blood. He transitions into a vampire, bites her neck, and grabs the stake. So was all that “goodbye Alaric” stuff just manipulative, or is that really the last we’ll see of the Alaric we know?

The Vampire Diaries: Heart of Darkness (Season 3, Episode 19)

I've been compelled not to care.

Alaric is locked up in a cell. Damon slips him a copy of Jekyll and Hyde. Elena says Stefan told her to go on a road trip with Damon to see how she feels about him. They will pick up Jeremy in Denver. Alaric is surprised at Stefan’s attitude, but he doesn’t seem to think it’s his business to disapprove, at this point. Stefan tells Damon that he will find out from Alaric where the other white stake is. Damon is skeptical since Stefan is good again. Apparently there’s no road trip, Elena and Damon are flying first class.

Caroline is horrified to discover that Rebekah has changed the decade dance’s theme from 70s to 20s. Rebekah doesn’t know what Klaus sees in Caroline with her affinity for tacky years. Caroline says maybe it’s because she doesn’t sleep with everyone she makes eye contact with. Matt tries to interrupt this battle of the blondes by suggesting they do both, but the ladies are adamantly against that. Besides Matt has to admit that the 20s are cooler. It turns out, this was all an act to excuse Caroline’s exit. Apparently, she will also take a trip to find Tyler.

Elena and Damon find Jeremy. Damon quips that next time he compels him, he should make Jeremy better at baseball. They want him to commune with Rose, which he doesn’t think is possible. It turns out one of his friends is Kol. Someone on tumblr mentioned that. I thought it would be hilarious and stupid, but the writers decided on it. Kol is extremely easy to “kill.” After he hits Damon with a baseball bat, Damon stabs him with its shards. He tells Jeremy that he should have been suspicious when he made a friend so quickly, considering his personality. They go to a motel, and Jeremy asks about Rose. Damon describes the dream he gave her before she died, and Rose appears to Jeremy.

A vampire!

It’s interesting that Stefan has a worse relationship with both Jeremy and Alaric than Damon does. Stefan gives Alaric some booze and explains that Elena has to go on that trip with Damon, and Stefan probably has to torture Alaric. Alaric says that his alter ego is driven by his anger. He hopes that Jeremy’s alter ego is a pot smoking hippy pacifist. Stefan thinks the other Alaric is too judgmental, and he’s not Alaric; he’s the darkest parts of Alaric. How can they be so sure of this? Couldn’t he be possessed? Obviously Stefan is referring to his vampire side as well. Klaus comes in, carrying the stake that Stefan left lying around. Stefan explains that they should find the stake and destroy it to save the both of them as well as other vampires. After hearing this, Klaus decides not to immediately kill Alaric. Well, he does kill Alaric, but he’s wearing his life-saving ring. Stefan basically shakes his head at his boyfriend’s violent antics.

Rose still thinks Damon’s hot; Damon also asks about her. She says she’s rooting for him and Elena. Jeremy translates some version of this. She is also happy. Unfortunately she was sired by “Scary Mary” Porter, not an original. But she will try to figure something out. Stefan and Damon fill each other in. Stefan seems concerned that Damon and Elena are staying at a love shack. Jeremy asks about Elena and Damon.

Matt drives a suspicious Rebekah home. He just says that it’s sad that she can’t trust anyone. 1) Matt, don’t do this to Rebekah. 2) But I kind of like you, Matt. 3) This Rebekah constantly gets pwned thing is getting old. 4) I totally like them together. Inside, Rebekah finds her mother, who looks even younger than before. Rebekah is shocked, scared, and ready to kill her. But Esther says that she is dying. Rebekah tearfully says that Esther’s loving reunion isn’t going to happen. Esther says that she has been watching over Rebekah’s joys and especially pains for 1,000 years. No one should live that long. But Rebekah heartbreakingly says that she hasn’t lived. Due to Abby’s vampirism, Esther’s connection to the Bennett witches has been broken, and she dies, even more pathetically than Finn. Even Klaus is somber when he sees his dead mother.

Batter up!

Caroline finds Tyler in the woods, and it’s way over the top, and they start having sex. But a serious looking Tyler says, “You have no idea how much I missed you,” and I’m so relieved that they’re back together again. Tyler, looking hot, turned about 100 times. He says he feels freer, different, and more himself, but he has to test whether his sire bond will work. Caroline informs him that unfortunately, when Matt killed an original (Tyler is stunned), they discovered that vampires from that bloodline die. She says Damon doesn’t care about Tyler. He will kill Klaus if he didn’t sire the Salvatores. Did we actually hear this discussed?

Elena hilariously ogles Damon’s partly naked body. He is surprised to catch her gaze. She shuts her eyes before boldly opening them again. He gets in bed with her and she asks why he didn’t tell her about what he did for Rose, and why he doesn’t let people see his good side. He says he doesn’t want them to expect good. She starts to cry/heavily breathe and they hold hands. Then she gets up to get a drink outside. He follows her. She says “don’t.” He asks why. Then she turns around, runs to him, passionately kisses him, and they have a hot and sexy make out section. At the beginning of this scene, I was laughing at how bad it was. But the end of the scene is glorious. Jeremy interrupts their sexy time with news that Rose found Mary. He looks at Elena judgmentally. Jeremy, Elena has been there for you throughout your bad decisions. Elena looks confused but liberated.

Alaric wakes up. Stefan spent the night reading Moby Dick. Alaric takes his ring off because he thinks the only way his alter ego will make an appearance is if he thinks he’s going to die. Stefan doesn’t want to hurt Alaric, but he attacks him. Stefan is pretending to be in the mafia, but Alaric doesn’t think he’s trying hard enough. Stefan knocks out a tooth causing profuse bleeding. Stefan is afraid of his bloodlust, and Alaric thinks that is the key. Stefan refuses to give in. He knocks Alaric against the wall, and the other Alaric appears. He calls Stefan weak, pathetic, a monster, but Stefan can’t even get that right. I love Stefan’s expression here. He is still in bloodlust mode, but happy and shocked to finally get the other Alaric.

My friends aren't real?! At least my decision to move to Denver was entirely real.

Jeremy shows Elena and Damon Mary’s house, and they tell Jeremy to stay behind. I don’t know why, except to allow Jeremy to make a crack about them making out. Apparently, Damon the sex God also hooked up with the super creepy, super old, but not ugly Mary. They find her stabbed to the wall. Kol sits there with a bat in his hands: “Quite contrary.” He says that Mary was an original groupie. She literally did it with all the originals who were alive while she was. He throws Elena and beats on Damon to make up for his brother’s death (yay Finn! He cares about Finn!) and Damon’s multiple attempts on Kol’s life.

After Kol leaves, Damon realizes that Elena is testing her feelings for him based on what Stefan said. She points out that every time there’s a bump in the road Damon lashes out and sabotages himself. He romantically asks what if he DIDN’T? What if there are no bumps? Her eyes glaze over; it’s an enticing and scary prospect. Damon awesomely says he will take the high road, so the decision she makes is not easy.

Stefan wails on Alaric and threatens to kill him. Alaric says the stake is in the cave where vampires can’t enter. Stefan immediately leaves to find Klaus and Rebekah in his living room. Rebekah yanks Alaric to the caves, and Stefan breaks up with Klaus. No! Or I guess they’ve already broken up, so he crushes Klaus’s hopes. He asks Klaus to kill him, and Klaus says maybe he will. Stefan calls him out and says that he obviously doesn’t want to since he hasn’t killed him so far. Klaus says he knows his friend the ripper is right beneath the surface. Stefan said that he’s accepted that part of himself so Klaus and that side cannot control him: “Now get out of my house, you abusive ex-boyfriend.”

Elena, I know one cure for being beaten up by an original. Back to the love shack, quick!

Rose articulates to Jeremy team Delena. She, with her years of wisdom, says that Damon is good for Elena. He surprises her and is either the worst thing or the best thing for her. Stefan’s love is pure and he will always be good for her. This argument sounds like a justification for those fiery, horrible relationships that sometimes end with one partner being killed. I am not in favor of those, and they don’t always last that long. Not to mention, is Stefan really always good for Elena?

Interestingly, Caroline indicates that she will go against Damon’s wishes if Klaus didn’t sire Damon. Tyler finds Klaus’s drawing and idiotically says that he will spend the night somewhere else. He just tortured himself to be with her. If Caroline had something to hide, she wouldn’t leave the drawing lying around. And does he think she’s really so weak as to fall for someone who did this to him? Still: did she just think the drawing was nice? It is completely stupid that she didn’t burn it. I would be terrified.  If anything happens between Klaus and Caroline, it better be because she becomes darker. I do not see an ounce of logic in their relationship as it stands. Elsewhere, Alaric finds the stake and says that there’s only one, so if Rebekah helps him, only one original has to die. Rebekah steps right into that cave, and, in a twist I didn’t see coming, reveals that she is Esther. She still wants all the originals to die, so the two of them have a lot in common. What happened to Rebekah?

The Vampire Diaries: The Murder of One (Season 3, Episode 18)

At least I got a few lines and closeups right before I died.

Elena tries to deliver chocolate muffins to Alaric, but Damon Ric-blocks her. He says that Alaric is normal but still on lockdown, before making a few jabs about how Elena isn’t actually mad at Damon and that her suspicion is paranoia. As soon as she leaves, we see that Alaric and Stefan are cutting up the Original-killing Wickery Bridge sign.  Rock music plays as they whittle away. No surprise, the uptight Stefan is a micromanager. Alaric says he will turn himself in because, unlike some people in the room, he wants to take responsibility for the lives he took. As Damon points out, Stefan’s morals become murky with revenge against Klaus on the brain, and Damon tells Alaric to put the ring back on. The two immortal killers think Alaric should worry as much about the dark side that his semi-immorality brings as they do theirs. Plus, Bonnie’s herbs seem to be working.

In the woods, Elena tells Caroline that Alaric killed her father. Caroline starts to lose it, but Elena says that, like all their supernatural friends, Alaric is a victim of his circumstances. Caroline calms down enough to tease Elena about being a savior of the cursed and damned. Matt shows up, but Bonnie, supposedly distraught over her mother leaving again, does not. Stefan and Damon arrive and hand everybody Original-killing stakes.

Finn calls his little brother Klaus’s charms hollow and says he only wishes to see him dead. His mother is trying to figure out another way to kill them, and Finn said he’s still on board. Klaus threatens to put him in a box again, and Finn points out that Klaus will lose his “precious Rebekah” if he does so. Klaus says that wouldn’t be the first time, and Finn just rolls his eyes before walking into Rebekah. Finn is stunned that Rebekah is siding with the homicidal Klaus, but she’d prefer to be temporarily dead than “extinct.” Death threats don’t exactly work against Finn, so Klaus just beats him up and says Finn’s not taking the rest of them down with him.

Discussing torture, and looking cute while doing it.

Klaus continues to toss Finn around. He says that while he can torture and force Finn to give him his blood to undo the spell, he chooses to persuade him instead. Sage appears, and apparently the two of them are still “true loves.” Rebekah is disgusted and opts to get vengeance on Damon. Thanks to a phone product placement, we learn that Kol is in on helping his siblings. Klaus stares at Sage and Finn, annoyed. He might not like Sage, but it seems as though all the Original siblings are envious of the others’ happiness.

Stefan and Damon explain their “detailed” plan which involves distracting 1,000 year old vampires with teenage love interests. That sounds like a terrible plan. They also mention holding Rebekah’s arms down while another stakes her. How? She’s many times stronger than any of them. Back at home, Alaric asks Damon if he learned nothing about how stupid it was to hide the moonstone in a soap dish. Clearly not, because Damon is hiding these magical stakes with firewood. Rebekah breaks in, throws Alaric down the stairs, and stabs Damon in the gut, announcing, “Hello, lover.”

Elena, Caroline, and Matt meet at the town square (I guess). Bonnie won’t return Elena’s calls. Caroline shrugs since Bonnie’s been a bit peeved off lately. They spot Finn and Sage. Instead of immediately trying to kill Finn, Caroline eavesdrops. Busybody. Finn remembers this as the place where natives would make sacrifices; Sage points out that that’s where they’d secretly rendezvous. (Romantic?) Finn thought she’d moved on. Sage says she loves him still and wants him to live. He smiles. Elena calls Stefan to ask for backup. Stefan realizes that Sage, who is very old and strong, is with Finn. He also discovers that Rebekah kidnapped Damon. Stefan says they have a problem. Way to plan ahead guys, to think of every option, like you said.

This time, nothing will go wrong! We are gonna get them good!

Damon is tied up with some bear traps. Rebekah explains that she wants to one up Damon after his ungentlemanly behavior. She plans to bleed him of vervain and compel him to kill Stefan or Elena. She acknowledges that it will take some time since vampires heal. I’d think a very long time. Damon tries to make like he thinks it’s hot and kinky, but he is a bit concerned. Klaus stops in, and even in the midst of this, he and Rebekah have time for sibling banter. He thinks she should turn him upside down, Rebekah says she doesn’t need any advice; he rolls his eyes and smiles because obviously he’s pretty much an expert. In the next room, Bonnie is working on unlinking the siblings. Klaus has Kol spying on Jeremy. If it were this easy, couldn’t the Originals have gotten everything they wanted long ago? They should be able to know when a human is lying. They should be able to threaten anyone. Heck, they should be able to control or read everyone’s minds, to an extent. Confusion.

In an interesting scene, Caroline approaches Alaric about her father’s death. He apologizes. She points out that she is a murderer as well. She killed someone, and enjoyed it. That man could have been someone’s father as well. They all have blood on their hands. All they can do is hope they can be saved. Downtown, Stefan tells Elena that Alaric is okay, and they need to figure out their next move. She wants to stop everything to save Damon. She doesn’t know that Klaus is planning to unlike them, but isn’t this exactly what she said she wouldn’t do? Let her humanity get in the way? Perhaps she meant she wouldn’t hesitate to murder an Original, but didn’t they cover this? Stefan says Damon would NOT want them to stop. If they get an Original at this point, they will help Damon by getting rid of Rebekah.

In what is clearly a dream, Damon thinks that Elena rescues him and revives him with her blood. Basically he fantasizes what Stefan already experienced. Rebekah and her revealing top say it might not be so nice when someone else messes with your head. He says she couldn’t have thought he really had a thing for her. Her expressionlessness masks deep hurt and disappointment. He blames this desperation on her brother issues, specifically being bossed around by Klaus for 1,000 years. She stabs him again. Bonnie hears a scream, but Klaus tells her not to worry. She hilariously says that this mass murderer bothers her, and he just prods her about her mother and threatens to rip her and those she loves apart until she helps him. He shows her vials of his siblings’ blood and bites his hand to give her his. Bonnie begins to work on the spell, chanting while mixing blood in a glass. Yum. She pours blood on the table.

Bored now.

Sage shows Finn the joys of tequila, and they seem happy together. Finn is “awed by the evolution of mankind.” Sage is “embarrassed” by his lack of knowledge. A vampire that Sage turned walks by. Finn wonders why; Sage says that they need an ally since they’re in enemy territory. Stefan listens to their conversation. He passes Matt a bottle of vervain. Sage admits she doesn’t know how many people she’s turned into vampires. Finn looks serious, so she tells him not to judge her since he turned her. He says his passion overtook his morals. She says her passions overtake her morals on a daily basis; it’s called living life to the fullest. He smiles more. As wicked as Sage is, I like them together. Stefan texts “get ready.”

The lovebirds drink another shot and spit out the vervain. They follow Stefan out of the bar. (You know which bar. Don’t even ask.) I have to pause before Stefan or someone else stabs my precious Finn. Sage knocks the stake out of Stefan’s hand. “Leave Finn alone!” I say in Chris Crocker’s voice. Elena shoots Finn in the stomach with a crossbow and Matt stabs him. Bonnie’s spell is almost complete. The blood separates. Finn bursts into flames. All my, I mean, Sage’s hopes and dreams are gone. She is inconsolable.

Bonnie looks upset. Rebekah thanks her. She sees a bleeding Damon. Klaus says she can save the man who turned her mother into a vampire. She chooses not to. Dang. But, if we’re going to be honest, Elena, Caroline, and all these “heroes” are the idiots for constantly saving these psychopaths, which Damon sometimes is. Instead, she calls Elena to tell her that Klaus has Damon. Caroline, Elena, and Stefan were just chipper a minute ago about killing Finn (fuuuu), but Bonnie says that Klaus forced her to do a spell. Going against her morals, fearing for Jeremy’s and her mother’s lives—Bonnie is not okay. She has had a very bad day. She breaks down, and I just want to give her a hug.

Don't cry, Sage! The pain will be over soon.

Stefan says again that he will get revenge on Klaus, in spite of Elena’s protests. Caroline quips that she misses well-adjusted Stefan. Aw. Sage busts in (“Ding dong!”) and throws Stefan back into the room. He says he had to kill Finn. Then she and the vampire she turned die. Kill one Original, kill anyone who was turned by them, and those turned by them, and on down the line. Elena wonders if a hybrid bit them. Caroline suggests Sage died of sadness. L Elena says that doesn’t explain Troy, the other vampire. Well, maybe Troy fell in love with Finn too, Elena, did you ever think of that? Maybe Troy fell in love with Finn from afar for the few days of Finn’s existence. Is it bad that I find it amusing that they realize half their friends and family will die if they kill the Originals? The world would be a safer place. There are supposed to be only a few werewolves left anyway.

Stefan visits Damon (who notes that this went differently in his head), and says he will exchange the Original-killing weapons for Damon. Klaus is surprised at Finn’s death and Rebekah begins to get upset, and she is annoyed when Klaus compels Damon to go home. Damon’s her plaything. Damon tries to rip his hands through the traps. In fact, Stefan did leave three stakes at home. Elena says they have to figure out which Original to save in order to keep Caroline and the Salvatores alive. Caroline points out that if Klaus dies, Tyler will die.

Rebekah enjoys watching Damon suffer, and Klaus jokes, “Stop, before you hurt yourself.” He compels Damon to tell them how many stakes they made. Stefan says he’ll get the rest. Klaus says he’d better before he forces Damon to chew off his own tongue. Tears in his eyes, Stefan quietly asks what’s wrong with Klaus. Klaus gets pissy and asks, what is wrong with Stefan? Does he have no appreciation for him? Klaus says that, as a friend, he’s given Stefan a target so he can turn his hatred away from himself and onto Klaus. He says Stefan should be thanking him for giving him a purpose.  Stefan says enough and pushes his ex against the wall. Klaus tells him to step down or the Salvatores both die. If they sleep together, will this solve everything? I’m only partly joking. Even though I am devastated that they just killed Finn, this episode gets a million points for including both Finn and Klefan. I don’t know if Rebekah is jealous or what, but she says that this boys stuff is ridiculous. She lets a broken and bleeding Damon go as a symbol of good faith. Yeah, real good faith. Maybe Damon’s comment about Klaus controlling her got to Rebekah. She says her rules now. For the millionth time, Klaus threatens everyone Stefan loves.

Stefan, you know me, I can't say I don't care about anyone.

Rebekah says she can’t believe Finn is dead. Klaus says good riddance, he was an embarrassment, a lovesick fool who slept in a box longer than he lived as a man. My baby! Rebekah says that he was still their brother and asks if Klaus would say the same about her. He says that she let the Salvatores loose with their weapons, so, yes. And if she stays while Klaus goes, she is as pathetic as Finn. She says that the Salvatores may fight like dogs but at least they know what family is; they’d die for each other. Klaus says he wanted a family once, but Rebekah realizes, soon after stating that Klaus was the only one in her family who stood by her, that Klaus is actually the one who destroyed it. You can see on her heartbroken face that she underestimated her favorite brother’s callousness.

Klaus’s comments make Stefan realize that he has to move on from his abusive ex and figure out himself. He feels as though he hasn’t gotten anywhere. Elena says that he has, and she still loves him. Stefan says he knows, and he will always love her. But he wants her to admit that she also loves Damon. Elena says she doesn’t know what she feels. Even though forcing this confession is creepy, Paul Wesley is so good here, the scene is rather effective. Meanwhile, Damon runs into the arms of Alaric, who comments that Damon is still alive. They can’t find the stake Alaric hid behind his books. They realize that Alaric’s vampire-hating alter-ego must have taken it. Damon is none too pleased that his buddy could kill him. Alaric looks sheepish. Now I will need the hiatus to recover from this tragic but moving episode.

The Vampire Diaries: Break On Through (Season 3, Episode 17)

... to the other side!

Meredith and Elena discuss how Meredith figured out Alaric was the killer, but she wanted him to stay safe since it wasn’t his fault. Alaric gets an MRI and has a very weird confrontation with his evil side in the mirror. Alaric says nothing is wrong with him—or he’s gone insane. He gives the ring to Elena. Damon comes in to check out his pal—literally. He looks him up and down and says he looks horrible. I like Damon and Elena’s conversation. She is angry at him for letting Stefan drink from a girl. Damon says that he made Stefan drink and that Stefan is a predator, one who has built up a castle of delusions that periodically crumbles. (Or maybe it was a wagon that he falls off. Some metaphor.) Elena says that Stefan was able to control himself before, on animal blood or by drinking a little of her blood. She snarks that Damon might not be the best person to teach Stefan self-control.

Caroline is adorable, hilariously bubbly about her favorite kind of blood (B positive), and thrilled that she was able to steal much needed blood from the blood drive. Bonnie is somber, watching her depressed mother adjust to vampirism. Caroline explains that this is understandable. Abby is mourning losing her connection to nature. Bonnie helps a flower grow with her powers, explaining that they can literally feel the earth.

Meredith, Alaric, and Damon visit the construction on Wickery Bridge. The mayor gives Alaric trouble about forgetting a sign, and Damon spots Sage, whom he coincidentally remembered last week. He calls her his hottest teacher; she says he was her favorite student. Rebekah tells her to get lost. Sage says she was looking for Finn who was recently freed from that coffin his “rage-aholic” brother carted him around in. She assumes Finn went looking for her, but Bekah said he didn’t mention Sage. Also he’s gone. Probably forgot about her. After Bekah leaves, Sage calls her an elitist bitch. Damon is just keeping quiet around these much older women.

Hate sex all around?

Damon says, “Finn? Really?” Sage says that Finn’s the one for her; he turned her to be with her forever. Then Klaus killed him. He and Bekah always treated her like a peasant whore. She says she’ll help Damon get inside her head because she’s a girl, and so has a weakness. Clearly Sage is a bit sexist. Also, hasn’t Finn’s actions kind of contradicted what has been said about him? Elijah said he hates vampires, and it seems to be so. Why did he turn Sage, who’s so unlike him? Damon puts the moves on Rebekah, saying he thinks she’s sexy, and that she’s as mean as he is. He says the two of them and Sage could have a real party. She says not a chance, but when he leaves her face says, “I have definitely not had enough sex to make up for those 100 years daggered.”

Caroline asks Jamie to help Abby with her transition. Add Jamie to the list of normal humans who are terrified of Caroline and even vampire Abby. Caroline says, too bad. I completely agree with Jamie when he says none of this is normal. Elena calls Caroline to ask Bonnie for help with Alaric’s problem. Alaric admits that his early violence was due to his youthful stupidity. His dark side was funneled into hunting vampires. What about the restraining orders, not from bullies, but from his girlfriend? He tells Meredith that he killed her vampired cousin Logan Fell. She says she doesn’t judge, either way. But she wonders about Damon. He says he tried to kill him, but Damon killed him instead.

Elena comes across Stefan serving himself human blood from a bag. She takes the book on Samantha Gilbert. Stefan says Samantha killed herself by being too crazy, so there’s no hope for Alaric. A peeved Elena tells him to get back to his drinking. The whole scene is awkward. Damon stumbles upon Stefan binge drinking. Stefan’s stressed and testy about Elena. Damon tells him he needs control, to own it, live it, love it. He says Stefan has to get lost unless he’s interested in a Sage Rebekah sandwich.

Rebekah brings the booze, I bring the dinner.

Jamie arrives and he and Bonnie share a moment. I like Jamie. Still, so many movies, even now, shy away from having interracial relationships. It bothers me that the only African American guy on this show is going to date the only African American girl. (I’m not counting her mother Abby, who is an adult, obviously.) Abby spots Jamie, creepily vamps out, and bites him. Poor guy! After he agreed to help out. Abby says she should have left, but Bonnie says the only way Abby can only hurt her daughter is by leaving. Caroline says she cured Jamie with vampire blood, and she needs Bonnie to do her a favor.

Alaric gives Elena his information and tells her about his will, in case anything happens. Elena says it won’t. Bonnie and Caroline call Elena to tell her that they might be able to reverse the ring spell; sometimes witches who obsess over dark magic have similar problems. Will Bonnie ever have this problem? She clearly doesn’t want to hear Elena’s apologetic voice, but she makes an effort. Elena goes to Alaric’s loft to fetch his wedding ring for the spell. Meredith says Alaric will stay with her and her tranquilizers.

Sage makes some cruel comments about Rebekah’s desperation, and Damon says that Finn’s gone so Sage should give up. Bekah shows up with a bottle of wine she stole from Klaus who stole it from some queen. Damon and Sage dance while Bekah feeds on their poor piano player. Damon joins her and starts kiss her, saying he wants her, not Sage. Sage watches. Cut to: Damon and Rebekah had sex, but no threesome as far as we know. Sage touches the relaxed, unguarded, and asleep Bekah’s head, and apparently because she’s so old, figures out that Rebekah wants the old tree. Sage tells Damon this by inviting him into the shower, kissing him, and planting the ideas in his mind with her vampire powers of manipulation.

My, what big teeth you have!

Damon looks in the old Salvatore logging records to discover that Wickery Bridge is made of that very oak tree. He burns the records and tells Sage they’re not public. She says weapons that can kill Originals are clearly a problem for her. Damon says he met Finn, and she’s not going to miss him. Sage threatens to rip his head off. He says if she helps him kill Rebekah, Finn and she can walk into the sunset. Sigh. This means Finn instead of Rebekah will die. I’m sure of it. Why? No one will care. None of the main characters will care. Most of the audience, other than myself, will not care. The character’s just been introduced.

Alaric told Stefan that Elena was at his apartment, so he meets her there and says he’s not trying to hurt her, yadda yadda. He also says that because Samantha Gilbert was under suicide watch, she had no personal possessions, no rings. Yet she was still violent. Elena says she’s not giving up on Alaric or Stefan, in spite of Stefan saying not everyone can be saved by Elena. They find pictures of Alaric’s victims.

Alaric wakes up from a nap and empties Meredith’s tranquilizers as she makes coffee. Alaric asks if Meredith ever feels remorse since she and the other council members aren’t protecting this town from vampires any more. I like that this is the reason for the killings. He stabs her, but she slips away, splashes hot coffee on him, and runs upstairs. She kicks him and stabs his hand with scissors while slamming the door on him.

I honestly could not think of anything remotely tasteful to use as a caption.

When Damon returns from wherever, he finds Sage gone. He drives (though vamping would be faster) to a burning Wickery Bridge. Rebekah’s glad to ruin his plan. Sage says the Originals are linked, and Damon lied to her. He says her creepy boyfriend wanted to die. She doesn’t believe this. He threatens to kill her, which she points out he can’t do, as she’s centuries older than he is. Damon says when he finds a way to kill the Originals, he’ll take out Finn first. (Please don’t! Finn’s done nothing to you, Damon.) This disconcerts Sage.

Elena and Stefan also find a package for Jeremy saying that he will continue the work with his ring, cleansing the council so the work can begin. Scary. Elena grab’s Alaric’s wedding ring and goes. She finds a strange Alaric. Elena says she didn’t see Stefan at his apartment, and she didn’t find Alaric’s ring. He goes for a knife, and Stefan knocks him out. After smelling Meredith’s blood, he requests that Elena come upstairs with him. Stefan struggles with bloodlust, but he manages to feed Meredith his blood, healing her, before leaving immediately afterward.

Jamie and Caroline garden. Caroline says her dad went through the same thing as Bonnie’s mom, but it didn’t work out. Caroline goes inside and begs Abby to stay, saying that no one is better off without their parents, but Abby leaves. At the Gilberts, Bonnie gives Elena an herb to give to Alaric. Elena asks Bonnie to forgive her. Bonnie just hugs her and says of course she does. Forgive her for what? I sympathize with Bonnie not wanting to be around Elena for a while, but Elena hasn’t done anything more wrong than usual. Elena calls Jeremy and asks if he’s talked to Alaric. He says no, but he has to go out with some friends at the moment, and he’s doing well. Tears in her eyes, she says everything’s fine. She just missed him and wanted to hear his voice. I really like the moment, but shouldn’t Jeremy know about the ring?

Alaric wakes up to find his guardian angel Damon watching over him. Alaric doesn’t seem to remember anything. Apparently Bonnie did a spell, but Alaric will still be under house arrest (light). Damon finds Stefan having an alcoholic drink “a little early in the day” for him, according to Damon. Ironically, Stefan is toasting to control. Damon reveals that the Wickery Bridge sign is made out of oak. Not sure how he knew that. The two of them are ready to hunt. Damon says let’s go kill some Originals. I say no.

The Vampire Diaries: 1912 (Season 3, Episode 16)

A real ripper enjoys the hunt (but is dang messy).

Scene: Mystic Falls, 1912. Another Sheriff Forbes and Salvatore step out of a vampire council meeting. The Salvatore is cavalier about the recent murder of a council member, but, of course, on his way home, he is stabbed by an unseen assailant. Modern day: Mayor Lockwood orders Sheriff Forbes (another one) to tell her who the serial killer is. (I like the fact that the two council members in the past were men; these two are women.) The sheriff doesn’t want to falsely accuse anyone, but she leads the mayor into jail. Alaric is locked up.

Meredith said that Alaric came at her with a knife, forcing her to shoot and then treat him with vampire blood. She also claimed his earlier wounds could have been self-inflicted; I guess he stabbed himself, then crawled all over the house. Damon is squarely team Alaric, wanting to help prove his innocence as soon as possible. The sheriff knows he could make things worse, so she threatens to put the much more powerful vampire behind bars. How, I don’t know. Damon is hurt. This is his buddy!

The increasingly endearing Matt jogs beside Elena, complaining and telling her that she can’t run from her problems. He’s the go between for Elena and Bonnie at the moment, though Bonnie knows her mother’s “death” isn’t Elena’s fault. She just needs time. Elena blames herself. She is surprised to learn that Abby has decided to transition into a vampire, with Caroline’s assistance. Matt can’t help but worry that Elena will make him run more. She gets a call and runs to the courthouse. There she meets Damon who says he can’t do anything about Alaric. Elena is stunned, but Damon realizes that his alternative reaction is probably violence. He notes that he saved her life last night, and she says he should have some compassion for Bonnie and Abby. He just makes some sarcastic, self-pitying “I’m bad, you hate me” comments. She says he’ll end up alone if he doesn’t stop pushing people away.

I'm sorry, I had to include one picture of this hat.

Stefan bangs his ring on the table until Damon interrupts him to make fun of his guilt. And then these amazing lines come out of his mouth: “I was hoping we could hang. You know, a little brother bonding. I mean I know we don’t actually hang out. We team up, we join forces, we activate our wonder twin powers.” He browses through Stefan’s diaries recalling Zachariah’s funeral, and how he wasn’t the only council member to die that year. Stefan says he vaguely remembers this, but then he says it was 1912.

1912: Stefan attends “Uncle Zach’s” (another one?) funeral. A lady Lockwood and a lady Gilbert let him know that the founding members haven’t been faring so well. Of course Stefan is just thinking about how he ate their relatives. A crow lands on a tomb (yes!), signaling Damon’s appearance. It’s been fifty years, but he’s still bitter about Stefan killing their father and helping him turn into a vampire. In spite of wanting to stay away, he agrees to have a drink with Stefan. Modern day: Damon invites Stefan to a drink. Stefan assumes Damon is bored since his bff Alaric is in jail, but Damon also wants to solve a murder. Duh.

They make their way to—where else?—the Mystic Grill where Rebekah asks the mayor about old trees in Mystic Falls. She and Damon seriously check each other out; Rebekah doesn’t give Stefan a second glance. Damon tries to find a connection between the dead founders. He also warns his brother about going off human blood cold turkey. Rebekah learns that the Salvatore family might know about what trees were cut down, so she joins their conversation. Elsewhere, the sheriff interviews Alaric, but things do not look good. We remember Alaric didn’t remember his attack; he also didn’t really remember calling Meredith in the middle of the night. He thought it was alcoholism, but it’s likely more sinister. It’s actually pretty sad watching the sheriff want to believe in him, but Alaric’s pleas sound less and less convincing, even to himself.

I don't like this bros before hoes attitude.

Rebekah interrogates Damon about logging mills, while Damon and Stefan accuse one another of killing the council members. Zachariah, by the way, was a descendant of a liaison between their pious father and a maid. Damon and Rebekah trade barbs about how the other one does or doesn’t want great sex, over Stefan. He moves away and grabs a drink, denying a desire for human blood. This is awkward, not only because Stefan and Damon are brothers, but because Rebekah wanted to leave her beloved brother for Stefan. This does go along with Klaus’s warnings about how fickle Bekah is. Stefan reminds Damon that another vampire, Sage, was in Mystic Falls in 1912. Damon says, “Speaking of great sex…”

1912: Stefan tells Damon he’s had enough to drink and that he can teach him how to live on human blood. Poor man always wants the better path. Damon points out that Stefan is no great guide. They step into a boxing ring where a sexy lady beats the tar out of a man. She and Damon share a look, and she approaches him, taking for a “gambling man.” In spite of his protest, she puts a hundred dollar bill in his pants. Modern day: Rebekah knew a Sage, once: “trashy little thing.” The Salvatores ignore her, wondering if Sage is the culprit. Rebekah wants to know more about ye olde Salvatores, but Damon is a jerk, and he says it’s boys night, and she wasn’t invited.

Elena approaches Meredith, who says that Alaric has a violent past. Isobel filed two restraining orders against him. Elena “knows” Alaric is innocent, but Meredith says Elena dates vampires, so she shouldn’t be surprised that her guardian is a murderer. Bam. Elena pulls Matt into breaking and entering Meredith’s apartment. Behind a panel in her closet, they find a box full of files on the dead or nearly dead founding members.

Your grandpas were delicious.

Damon says he didn’t think Meredith could stab three grown men. He throws a dart which Rebekah catches as she says, “That’s a little bit sexist.” She’s pretty sure a lady could do that. I love you, Bekah. Stefan seems to have a headache. Rebekah notes he was more fun in the 1920s. Damon doesn’t want Stefan to get riled up. He and Bekah read from Stefan’s 1912 diary. In it Stefan makes hilarious statements about Damon wasting his life and choosing the wrong path. (Stefan also says, out loud, that he isn’t interested in slaughtering innocents anymore. Police?) Damon admits that he wasn’t having fun; he was just waiting for Katherine to be free.

1912: Damon mirthlessly kills a woman. Sage thinks his rote way of eating is sad. They’re supposed to relish in the pleasure of being a vampire. Damon says he’s spoken for, and Sage says they all are. Obviously she was connected to an Original. She points out the women in the back row of the boxing ring, singling out the Gilbert. She takes a page from the wicked book of seduction and says that the buttoned up women are the ones who secretly want to be seduced. Go for it and take it, because you can, she says.

Modern day: Rebekah says that sounds like the Sage she knows. Did she seduce one of her more staid brothers? Apparently! She says that Sage was obsessed over her brother Finn more than 900 years ago. Damon is stunned: “What! Creepy suicidal guy?” Stefan continues to bang his ring on the table. He says he needs to get out of there. Damon zooms up to him and grabs his collar, forcing him to admit he needs blood. Stefan says he’s ready to eat the entire wait staff. Damon says he’s feeling a little self-righteous, too. Bekah ships it.

It's all about us, all about us...

Matt and Elena find court records, differing times of deaths, and even a Gilbert diary. They hear Meredith’s steps and jump into the closet. When Matt tries to speak, Elena puts a finger over his lips. They hear Meredith walk away and, after sharing a moment, open the door. Meredith is right there! Elena and Matt sit in front of the sheriff who says that they have broken the law. Lady, you are not a law abiding citizen yourself. Meredith supposedly just got a letter correcting a time of death and apologized for accusing an innocent man. What about him coming at her with a knife? The sheriff says she can’t ask any questions about the records in her closet because the two of them found them by breaking the law. Elena is baffled.

Stefan storms off. Rebekah can’t believe that the conscienceless man she once loved can remain this way for long. Damon says he can; his stubborn brother swings from one extreme to the other. Damon grabs a pretty girl and compels her to be quiet as he feeds. He then says that Rebekah will kill the woman if Stefan doesn’t drink from her and stop. Stefan says he can’t, but he stops Rebekah from biting. He drinks until she is almost dead, lunging after her when Damon pushes her away. Damon feeds the poor woman blood, healing her. Elena and Matt walk out and see Stefan’s bloody mouth. Damon says she doesn’t need to make it any more dramatic than it needs to be. Matt does not want another broken hand, or more pain for Elena, and he drags her away. Damon admits this needs time. Stefan stalks away.

In the comfort of Elena’s kitchen, Matt asks what’s up with Elena and the vampire brothers. She says that with Stefan, at the beginning she felt safe, ironically, knowing that he would never stop loving her, would never die—like her parents. Damon snuck up on her, crept under her skin, and no matter what, she can’t shake him. (These relationships definitely sound toxic.) Matt heartbreakingly says, “Once you fall in love with someone, I don’t—I don’t know if you can ever fully shake them.” But he says it’s not really weird that they’re talking about this. He gives her the Gilbert journal, which he could steal since he is the only normal one in a town of vampires; he’s practically invisible. Dang, Matt. I like you. Alaric returns home. Elena hugs him. He says he’s okay but looks like he’s going to cry.

This is what an old timey lady boxer looks like.

Damon, I adore your twisted pep talks. Stefan broods in front of the fire. Damon says that even though it may not seem like it, Stefan did really well. Soon he will be the king of moderation. Elena will understand his road to recovery. Stefan doesn’t care, but Damon stops him short: no more “no humanity” Stefan. He wonders what Damon’s angle is, why does he care? Does he feel guilty about Elena? It was easier when Damon hated him. These bros have such issues of self-hate, amongst many other things. Stefan ridiculously says he doesn’t need Damon’s help. Damon says, uh, give me a break, yes you do.

1912: Damon tells Stefan to pick one. He stares at a bleeding boxer, but Damon points to the Lockwood. Stefan weakly says he’s not like that anymore, these are people. Damon says that it’s worth it, and it feels so good. Cut to Stefan drinking from the woman. Damon quietly says he knew he had it in him. He also tells him not to be greedy. But Stefan pushes Damon away and takes bite after bite until the lady’s head falls off. To Damon’s horror, his crazy brother freaks out, apologizes to the woman’s head, and blames Damon, before running away. So the bodies coming apart and together again are a burgeoning ripper trait.

Modern day: in a remarkable switch, Damon feels guilty for not stopping Stefan from going over the edge. Stefan says there’s nothing he could have done, but Damon says there was; he just didn’t want to. But he does now. And he will always be there to pull Stefan back from the edge “every second of every day that you don’t need me.” Stefan has tears in his eyes. Damon says that right now Stefan is all he has. This is too much. What a love story. Later, Stefan interrupts Damon’s drunk and melancholy piano playing to show him evidence he found. Samantha Gilbert confessed to committing the council murders ten years later. But Damon says that he killed her before then. Samantha’s not a vampire, but she may have had a magical ring—like Jeremy and Alaric.

Alaric tells Elena he doesn’t want her getting in trouble over him, since he’s supposed to be her guardian, though he sucks at it. She asks who else she is supposed to look after. She says Samanth, the author of the diary she’s reading, continues the line of crazy Gilberts. Meredith shows up and says that if Alaric lets her in, she can explain. In spite of everything, he has to trust her. Though Alaric says she’s psycho, he does. She says that this way, she cleared his name. Meredith explains to Alaric that the ring that makes him cheat death is causing him to kill people. Elena agrees. Samantha Gilbert’s jumbled diary describes her feelings of not being herself, losing time, and going mad. But why does it make him kill the vampire council members?

The Vampire Diaries: All My Children (Season 3, Episode 15)

8 a.m. aka Happy Hour.

Elena wakes up to emo music and immediately calls Stefan. Their mutually serious expressions harken back to the early episodes of season one, when they would wake up with sorrow but also with hope that they would see each other. Stefan ignores her call. She then calls a partially nude Damon, who does pick up. She says that she tried to call him 10 times last night, and if he’s mad at her he should get over it. He says he is and glances at the bombshell lying next to him in bed.

Rebekah says they shouldn’t make a big deal of this, but she expects he’ll come calling soon enough. He says she shouldn’t hold her breath. He, naked, walks a her, wearing a dress, to the door. When he opens the door, Elena is aghast. This perks Rebekah up. Note: Elena is upset at Rebekah’s presence; she doesn’t flinch at Damon’s nudity. After Rebekah leaves, Elena chastises him for sleeping with Rebekah who recently tried to kill her. Damon mocks her with her words: can’t we just get over that? She then says that Esther will kill not only Klaus, but also Elijah and Rebekah. Damon doesn’t care. Stefan shows up, agreeing with Damon, who already has a drink in his hand. Damon warns Elena not to mess this up.

Kol teases Rebekah, hoping that she did better than that “commoner” Matt. He also calls her a strumpet. What can you do, 100 years in the coffin, he’s doing pretty well. Klaus is drawing all of a sudden, apparently because we found out he draws in the previous episode. Kol is bored; he convinces Klaus to have fun with him to make up for sticking a dagger in his heart. He and Klaus have an interesting relationship. Clearly Kol annoys him to no end, but the two of them are the troublemakers. Rebekah says that this house already has too many men rolling around in it, and Kol retorts to his “scandalous” sister, “just like you.” She throws her shoes at him. Elijah shows up, worried about their mother and her privacy inducing sage. Rebekah tells him to ask Finn since he’s been doting on her, but Elijah doesn’t trust him either, because he’s always hated vampires. Rebekah doesn’t think this is true, and she believes Esther is there for one thing: to unite them. Elijah looks skeptical and sad. I love the Originals.

This may look like despair, but it is really intense boredom. The future is so dull!

Bonnie is trying that privacy spell as Elena rants about “Damon the vampire gigolo,” as Caroline puts it. Caroline’s job is to see if she can hear them in other parts of the house. Bonnie reveals that Esther met with her and her mother Abby to harness their ancestral energy during the full moon tonight. Elena admits she wants to keep Elijah alive, since he tried to do the same for her. Caroline points out that Esther is the one killing her kids, not Elena. Bonnie says, too bad, and she’s going to help Esther do it. Elena’s the one who set this in motion.  I can’t blame her, but I like the fact that Bonnie’s standing strong about this. If they’d made more tough decisions like this in the past, they would have saved innocents. Or maybe not since most of the bad guys have become good. But you know what I mean. Our heroes don’t always think about the long term. That said, I do NOT want Bonnie to succeed.

Damon says he likes having Stefan on his team, but Stefan will have none of it. Stefan doesn’t think Elena will mess up their plan, and he thinks Damon’s “date” is a bad choice. Stefan… remember when you and Rebekah were a thing? Anyway, he says Elena’s better off without either of them, and he doesn’t want to give Elena a talking to. He also turns away from the blood. Damon takes Stefan’s rejection pretty well. The Salvatores in a nutshell: together, they are a force to be reckoned with, but usually when one wants to play, the other turns away.

Elena opens the door to Elijah, who asks her to accompany him. Elijah brings her into the woods and shows her around, the same way Stefan once did. His stories of wild horses and schools being built over native villages intrigue Elena. He shows her a pile of rocks covering a cavern in which he and his family used to hide from werewolves. When he starts to mention the balance of nature, Elena gets uncomfortable. He says that her heart beats faster when she lies, and he knew he lied about his mother. She tries to explain that she thought Esther could help kill Klaus. Elijah figures that his mother wants to undo the evil she created by killing all her children. And that’s the Originals for you: Elijah is not by any means pleased to discover this, but he is not particularly surprised. Daniel Gillies is so great as Elijah—mysterious, threatening, disappointed, but with some standards. He stomps a bunch rocks down and pulls Elena into the cavern. And leaves her there. Elena wanders into Rebekah, who says she’s just hanging around, not doing much—unless Elena tries to run. In which case, she gets to kill her. [Insert cute smile from Rebekah.]

But I am a lady, Sir!

Alaric and Damon are always golden. Elena doesn’t get reception, and Damon can’t reach her. He tells Alaric to tie her up or something because she’s developing a conscience. Alaric doesn’t want to judge her for that, and he says he won’t do that because he doesn’t want to and he doesn’t have time. Alaric also jabs him about having “Original sex,” and Damon is weirded out that Elena told her guardian/teacher this. Damon notices that Stefan didn’t drink the blood he left.

Alaric’s shady doctor girlfriend Meredith says that his knife wound was partially healed, so they can’t tell anything about the killer. His head seemed unaffected too, so she suggests that he was compelled to forget. Klaus and Kol show up, Klaus saying that they shouldn’t blame the new family in town. Kol leers at Meredith as though he just got out of prison, which he basically has. (Also, there’s a funny moment when Alaric tries to lower his voice when he mentions vampires. Like they’ve ever tried to be inconspicuous.)

Abby and Bonnie approach Esther and Finn, whom Abby calls the “creepy lurky guy.” Bonnie notes that he’s a vampire, so he could hear her comment. They share a nice moment when they imagine Grams’s strong opinions on their situation. Esther thanks them for helping her stabilize the spell and expresses gratitude for Ayana. They seem really glad to meet another witch who is on their side, but Esther comes across as pretty cold.

I do not sleep with commoners.

Stefan and Damon can’t find Elena, but when they return home, they find Elijah. He tells them that Rebekah will kill Elena if the Salvatores don’t kill the Bennetts by 9:06, when the full moon has given his mother power enough to kill them all. And of course, Elena trumps all. If a whole country were to be sacrificed, everyone would do it for Elena. Let’s see what will happen, shall we? Elijah is ruthless enough to know that the Salvatores will have a better chance at killing the Bennetts, because they won’t be suspected.

Damon suggests to a detoxing Stefan that they kill the Bennetts. Stefan doesn’t want to, so Damon notes plan B: dagger Elijah. It might put down all the siblings except for Klaus, but at least it will get rid of their Elijah problem. He hopes Alaric will help them out. Caroline is also playing her role, waltzing up to the drunk Originals and drawing Klaus away from a horny Kol. He tells her to get to know him and talk about her hopes and dreams. You know, as though he isn’t the guy who has been terrorizing her town. She says she’s too smart for him. He says that’s why he likes her. Don’t fall for that “I’m not being manipulated” crap, Caroline! Manipulative people can even manipulate the unmanipulatable!

Rebekah agrees that it is annoying that everyone wants to save Elena. She shows her crazier side when she says she might want to rip Elena’s head off more than live, and her vulnerable side when she mentions that this is not how she wants to spend the last few hours of her life. Finn chooses to spend the last few hours of his life doing dirty work and lighting torches for the spell. He and his mother share a moment, and she says that her “brave Finn” will sacrifice himself to kill the rest. First, they will be turned into humans. He says that being freed of an eternity of shame is a gift. Bonnie and Abby look skeptical, impressed, and awkward. The Originals are strange. Esther looks a little regretful.

I'm concerned about our mother's drug problem.

Kol hits on Meredith, saying he likes “pretty little things with sharp tongues.” I like that his language is just out of date. Alaric tells him to get lost. When he doesn’t back down, Alaric stabs him with the magical dagger. Rebekah and Finn drop. Klaus feels it. He saves Kol and Rebekah revives. Klaus says he should have killed Damon months ago. Damon says that he’s friends with Klaus’s mummy, and she’s going to kill him. Klaus is hurt, of course. Elijah saves Damon and says that, in spite of Damon’s protests, he will have to find the Bennetts before 9.

Elena runs, and even falls (every time…) but she manages to make it into the safe, anti-vampire haven of the cave before Rebekah wakes up and gets her. Instead, Rebekah douses Elena and the cave in gasoline and throws several matches into the mix. Elena tries psychological warfare, asking Rebekah about her mother’s necklace that she’s wearing, and noting that Rebekah will use up her revenge on Elena if she kills her right away.

Meredith says that she will take care of Alaric, who should leave Stefan and Damon to Elena saving. He says her nice apartment is messy, and she says he has a broken rib due to picking fights with guys 30 times his age. Elsewhere, Damon says that hypothetically they could let Elena die for the greater good. Of course this isn’t an option. He also points out that only one of them has to do it and be hated by Elena. This is not the Salvatores on their best behavior. They don’t want to kill someone because it’s wrong, because they’re destroying a life, but because they’ll be less popular with Elena? Damon flips a coin to see who it will be.

Sorry, Bonnie. You were going to lose, either way.

Elijah, Klaus, and Kol join their mother. Finn’s instinct is to protect her, but obviously she doesn’t need it. She sends the Bennetts away. This scene masterfully shows the characters’ relationships and differing mentalities. Elijah is right when he says that a mother killing her children is an atrocity. Kol is fixated on Finn being their parents’ favorite. Finn and Kol seem to be opposites; one enjoys vampire life, the other despises it. Esther says Finn knows virtue Kol can’t imagine. Klaus is just bored, ready to send his mother back to hell. Esther gives a speech, with tears in her eyes, about how she has had to experience the pain of every innocent victim, from Klaus, Kol, and even Elijah. She says that they are a curse on this earth, stretched out over generations.

Stefan meets Bonnie. Can’t Bonnie incapacitate Stefan? I guess not if she’s being channeled. She says that whatever he does, Esther will channel all their witch ancestors. Stefan says, not if one of them isn’t a witch. Damon feeds Abby his blood and breaks her neck! Loophole! I honestly didn’t thought of this one. Esther cries, asking the sisters to not to abandon her. They do, and Finn whisks Esther away. Elijah and his brothers look more puzzled than relieved.

Rebekah says Elena is free to go. She tells her that Abby is a vampire and Rebekah will enjoy watching Elena suffer. Elena wants to comfort Bonnie, who is sitting at the feet of her mother, now to become what Bonnie has hated. Caroline tells Elena that Bonnie can’t see her right now. Bonnie loves Elena, and is glad she is safe, but Bonnie is on the Rebekah and me train by noting that Elena is not the only person on the planet, and people often have to suffer to save her. Nina Dobrev does a wonderful job of conveying the fact that Elena’s understanding of this makes her feel worse, not better.

Getting regretful.

Damon apparently lost the coin toss, but, being a hero, he turned Abby. Damon said he’d seen the old Stefan shining through, and Elena chose Stefan even on Damon’s better days. Stefan hadn’t had human blood since his horrible moment on Wickery Bridge. Damon says that Stefan has enough to feel guilty about, and Elena is better off without Damon. Alone, Elena finds a note on her bed, not from a Salvatore, but from Elijah, the politest kidnapper ever. He apologizes for what he did, tells her to hold on to her compassion, and explains that he did this for his family.

Elijah and Rebekah have a subdued reunion. Rebekah asks, where the hell is everyone? Though alive, the Original family is broken. Elijah says they don’t have a mother, only Esther, who was right about them being immoral. Rebekah says they deserve to live because they are better than them, but Elijah doesn’t necessarily think so; he says that their mother made them vampires, not monsters. To be fair, it’s very hard not to be a monstrous vampire. I love these philosophical, elitist siblings.

Klaus burns his sketches of Caroline. Kol, Finn, and Esther have left. Elijah is leaving. Rebekah points out that Klaus never abandoned her. (Instead he staked her. Doesn’t really seem like a good deal.) She shows him the cave drawings they’d never seen. Apparently, a new tree grew where the magical white oak tree died. The Originals are still vulnerable. In Meredith’s darkened apartment, Alaric wakes up to find his weapons and medical records of the serial killer’s victims. Meredith says that he wasn’t supposed to see that before shooting him. First of all, that’s what happens when you leave this stuff lying around. Second of all, is this supposed to be surprising? There must be more to the story. Third of all, are the Originals going to be gone for a while? Say it ain’t so.