The Vampire Diaries: Dangerous Liasons (Season 3, Episode 14)

Katherine was lying when she said Stefan was the better dancer.

Matt and Elena leave Alaric at the hospital. Someone is watching them. They get into their dark cars to drive away, separately. Elena backs up into something, but when she gets out, nothing is there. That’s the oldest trick in the vampire book! A vengeful Rebekah declares her anger at being stabbed, before trying to bite Elena’s neck. Elijah shows up and saves the day. Her brother asks if this is a challenge. She calls both of them pathetic.

Elijah catches Elena up, and she relays the information to Stefan and Damon. The Salvatores are understandably concerned. Damon asks if anyone is feeling used right now, and says that he thought Esther’s “hybrid freakshow of a son” ripped out her heart a thousand years ago. Elena attributes Esther’s survival to her connection to witches on the other side. Then, because the Originals rule, Elena receives an invitation to their ball. This invite is signed with a personal note: Esther hopes she and Elena finally meet.

The Originals are fabulous and fine. The sexy family gets ready for their ball, as though their brother hasn’t made them comatose for years, in some cases centuries. Kol is apparently vain (and slightly incestuous with Beks? I’m sorry, I’m not making this stuff up) and doesn’t get along well with Klaus. Poor Klaus appears to be a petulant child next to the rest of his family. He whines that Rebekah already tried to ruin his life by killing the doppelganger, and his mother has to point out that he’s STABBED his siblings and messed up a good chunk of their lives. She has been sentient in the afterlife for a thousand years, which is supossedly why she has worked through her anger and reached forgiveness. He is touched by this, but Klaus’s vulnerability will probably only lead to disappointment and tragedy. His mom even asks who he’s taking to the prom.

These lips were made to say "ravishing."

Elena wants to go. Damon disagrees due to it being dangerous, but Stefan agrees due to him “not caring.” Damon wants to go back to the Stefan who cared about Elena, so Stefan volunteers to go. Damon heroically volunteers himself, countering, “You’ve pissed off enough originals to last a lifetime.” Elsewhere, Caroline gets a heartrending message from Tyler, stating that he loves her, he offers his condolences about her father, and he is trying to fix himself. She then receives a beautiful dress and an invitation to the ball from Klaus. She just wonders WTF? I would be a lot more terrified.

Elena and Caroline get a bit of the high school drama they’ve been missing lately. Elena wants to go to the ball with Caroline, but she thinks Stefan would look better in a tux. (Does she know how nuts he’s been lately?) She also admits that Bonnie spilled the beans about Elena and Damon, but she’s more hurt that she missed out on the gossip than that Elena kissed Damon. Then Rebekah asks Matt out right in front of them. Caroline asks when the stupid dance is.

At the ball, the mayor tells Damon she plans to keep the peace with the Originals. Kol introduces himself, trying to be suave, but Damon seems to recognize him. Kol rudely says Damon isn’t very memorable. Then he is star struck as Elena steps through the door, accompanied by corny but effective music. Stefan arrives to ask her to dance. Damon’s annoyed to see both of them. She doesn’t care. Stefan offers an arm, as does Damon, and the three of them walk together. MOMENTUS MOMENT ALERT.

Dibs.

Caroline looks through her dresses, and because she doesn’t like any of her 50 options, she decides to go with Klaus’s gift. Good idea. And by that I mean bad idea; this guy who gave you that will take it as a message. And he is insane. She walks in looking gorgeous. Klaus greets her, but she blushes, probably uncomfortable, and walks away.

Finn, who is more my type than Kol, and remarkably polite for a dude who lived 900 years ago, tells Elena that she has to be alone to meet his mother. Elijah is then joined by his family on the staircase, and I almost can’t continue from the awesomeness surplus. How could anyone in Mystic Falls deny them? Or not guess that they are vampires? Elijah says they will commence with a dance. Esther heads upstairs. Damon stops Elena from following Esther into a “lion’s den.” He then asks her to dance. Stefan watches. This is reminiscent of the nightmare Katherine once planted in his head.

This episode is laying the cheese on thick: cue dance scene. Damon says Elena looks stunning, “if it isn’t obvious.” She seems genuinely grateful for the compliment. Damon knows how to lighten the mood. Klaus stares at Caroline as she uneasily dances with him. She stares at Matt and Bekah as Klaus tries to make conversation. He points out that she wore both his bracelet and his dress. When she says she was Miss Mystic Falls, he just says, “I know.” Watch out for this one. He is terrifying, but he’s had 1,000 years to practice seduction!

I don't love you Elena. Not at all. Don't care. Nope.

Caroline moves on to Matt and asks why he danced with Beks, and Matt asks about the worthiness of her dancing partner. Elena dances into the arms of Stefan. She comments on his dancing, and you can see in their faces the awkward strain of exes who remember how things used to be. Stefan makes a quip about Damon, before saying that Elena can take care of herself. She says she has to talk to him alone. Damon, meanwhile, is dancing with Rebekah, who is staring at Matt and Caroline, her nemesis. He says she’s no dog but that she doesn’t get compliments since she tried to kill Elena. Caveman, she retorts.

Outside, Elena says that she needs to get to Esther. Stefan says she can, if she feels she is up to it. Elena says that at least his respect for her decisions hasn’t changed. Stefan’s façade that he wants to kill Klaus more than anything is still there, but barely. Damon finds Elena before she goes to Esther, but Stefan BREAKS HIS BACK (NECK?). Hopefully they won’t need Damon immediately. Shaken, Elena nervously walks towards Esther’s room.

Elijah, lovely in a tux, says he finds his mother’s forgiveness difficult to believe. He asks that Elena tell him what Esther says. The Originals have family troubles. Finn and Esther are preparing something when Elena enters. Finn leaves. Esther says that Ayana, Bonnie’s ancestor (so this show is saying all black people are related? Sigh), preserved her body. But she was punished for turning her family into vampires by spending 1,000 years on the other side. Esther wants to undo what she did, with Elena’s help.

I cut the other sleeve off with a newfangled contraption called scissors.

Bekah asks Kol to help her kill Matt to make Elena suffer and take some of the blame off her. Unlike Finn, Kol isn’t a Momma’s boy. He wants to spit in the face of her rules. Is he more spoiled than Klaus? Kol is itching to kill someone. He wants to make a spectacle of it, but Rebekah says he sounds like an idiot.

Caroline spends time with one of the horses (?). Klaus joins her and tries more manipulative tactics, favorably comparing the loyalty of horses to humans’. He says that his father beheaded his horse, and his relationship with him was much more complicated than Caroline’s with her father. And that is saying something. Caroline says that she let her father go with no regrets and she likes humans and they like her. BAM.

Esther says that her children are abominations and monsters, and it is her duty to kill them. She can only kill them with magic and Elena’s blood. She can link them by making them drink a few drops. She tells her not to tell Elijah, especially. Elena is a tad flabbergasted. If this were reality, Esther would be absolutely right. Since it’s not, I don’t want her to kill her beautiful children. Elena decides to lie to Elijah about his mother’s intentions. Esther toasts to her family and they all drink the bloody champagne. No, Elijah, please don’t die!

Can't his rich friends fork out some money for this guy?

Rebekah leads Matt outside, who goes to his truck to get a jacket, which he puts around her shoulders—even though she’s a vampire and doesn’t need it. Killer that she is, inside she’s a softy. Matt’s gentlemanly ways prompt her to lead him back inside, away from Kol. Inside, Kol confronts Rebekah, realizing that she likes Matt because he gave her “five seconds of his attention.” Poor Bekah, almost as needy as her brother.

Klaus shows Caroline some art. She recognizes a piece from the Louvre. Others are his drawings. He says he’ll take her to all sorts of museums and cities. In these moments he’s almost human, but Caroline jabs him about Tyler and his hybrids. He says in spite of his fun evening, she has to leave. She says he tries to buy people off, or compel them, or sire them, to make up for his father not loving him. Caroline goes home and leaves a message for Tyler, saying she misses him. She also finds a drawing of herself and horse on her bed. On the drawing, Klaus thanks her for her honesty.

Damon awakens and is furious at Stefan, who tells him that his emotions are getting in the way. Damon’s reaction, “My emotions? How is this even happening right now?” This is a real soap opera. Damon tries to get Elena to leave, and they exchange words about Stefan and how she doesn’t like cutting Damon out of the picture. He says he wants to protect her because he loves her, and Elena says maybe that’s the problem. Damon observes the irony that he cares too much. Will this send him back over the edge?

Merry Christmas!

Kol lures Matt out onto the balcony and turns a handshake into a death grip. Damon comes to his rescue, declaring that Matt needs his hands because he’s a quarterback. He pushes Kol off the balcony, jumps down, and begins pummeling him. Why isn’t Kol stronger? Maybe he just didn’t have time to react. Seemingly the whole party comes outside. Stefan, ironically, asks if Damon is crazy. He says “maybe a little.”

Interestingly, Esther blames Kol and Rebekah for the violence. She knows what’s going on. She shares an affectionate moment with Elijah who promises it won’t happen again. Esther says she wishes the others were more like him. After Elijah leaves, Finn joins her, apparently in on the spell.  His old school mentality comes through when he says he will be ready to die when the time comes. She sheds his blood and somehow bonds the siblings so they “are one.”

Elena shares her regrets about signing Elijah’s and the others’ death sentences. While Stefan jokingly calls the murderous Esther the mother of the year, he says that the rest are collateral damage. She admits that she said something she didn’t mean to Damon. Stefan says he also said something he didn’t mean. Elena tries to get Stefan to open up again, to feel everything and stop pretending not to care. He comes close, but he admits that when he starts to feel, all he knows is pain.

Rebekah tries to hit up Matt, who is getting drunk at the bar because his broken hand isn’t covered by health insurance. Such a Matt story. He says that she’s pretty and fun, but she needs to stay away. A wasted Damon says adolescence stings—she was dumped by the football captain—and that she needs someone more durable. The two hot messes then get it on like crazy.

What showoff came to the party in a horse and carriage?