The Vampire Diaries: The Murder of One (Season 3, Episode 18)

At least I got a few lines and closeups right before I died.

Elena tries to deliver chocolate muffins to Alaric, but Damon Ric-blocks her. He says that Alaric is normal but still on lockdown, before making a few jabs about how Elena isn’t actually mad at Damon and that her suspicion is paranoia. As soon as she leaves, we see that Alaric and Stefan are cutting up the Original-killing Wickery Bridge sign.  Rock music plays as they whittle away. No surprise, the uptight Stefan is a micromanager. Alaric says he will turn himself in because, unlike some people in the room, he wants to take responsibility for the lives he took. As Damon points out, Stefan’s morals become murky with revenge against Klaus on the brain, and Damon tells Alaric to put the ring back on. The two immortal killers think Alaric should worry as much about the dark side that his semi-immorality brings as they do theirs. Plus, Bonnie’s herbs seem to be working.

In the woods, Elena tells Caroline that Alaric killed her father. Caroline starts to lose it, but Elena says that, like all their supernatural friends, Alaric is a victim of his circumstances. Caroline calms down enough to tease Elena about being a savior of the cursed and damned. Matt shows up, but Bonnie, supposedly distraught over her mother leaving again, does not. Stefan and Damon arrive and hand everybody Original-killing stakes.

Finn calls his little brother Klaus’s charms hollow and says he only wishes to see him dead. His mother is trying to figure out another way to kill them, and Finn said he’s still on board. Klaus threatens to put him in a box again, and Finn points out that Klaus will lose his “precious Rebekah” if he does so. Klaus says that wouldn’t be the first time, and Finn just rolls his eyes before walking into Rebekah. Finn is stunned that Rebekah is siding with the homicidal Klaus, but she’d prefer to be temporarily dead than “extinct.” Death threats don’t exactly work against Finn, so Klaus just beats him up and says Finn’s not taking the rest of them down with him.

Discussing torture, and looking cute while doing it.

Klaus continues to toss Finn around. He says that while he can torture and force Finn to give him his blood to undo the spell, he chooses to persuade him instead. Sage appears, and apparently the two of them are still “true loves.” Rebekah is disgusted and opts to get vengeance on Damon. Thanks to a phone product placement, we learn that Kol is in on helping his siblings. Klaus stares at Sage and Finn, annoyed. He might not like Sage, but it seems as though all the Original siblings are envious of the others’ happiness.

Stefan and Damon explain their “detailed” plan which involves distracting 1,000 year old vampires with teenage love interests. That sounds like a terrible plan. They also mention holding Rebekah’s arms down while another stakes her. How? She’s many times stronger than any of them. Back at home, Alaric asks Damon if he learned nothing about how stupid it was to hide the moonstone in a soap dish. Clearly not, because Damon is hiding these magical stakes with firewood. Rebekah breaks in, throws Alaric down the stairs, and stabs Damon in the gut, announcing, “Hello, lover.”

Elena, Caroline, and Matt meet at the town square (I guess). Bonnie won’t return Elena’s calls. Caroline shrugs since Bonnie’s been a bit peeved off lately. They spot Finn and Sage. Instead of immediately trying to kill Finn, Caroline eavesdrops. Busybody. Finn remembers this as the place where natives would make sacrifices; Sage points out that that’s where they’d secretly rendezvous. (Romantic?) Finn thought she’d moved on. Sage says she loves him still and wants him to live. He smiles. Elena calls Stefan to ask for backup. Stefan realizes that Sage, who is very old and strong, is with Finn. He also discovers that Rebekah kidnapped Damon. Stefan says they have a problem. Way to plan ahead guys, to think of every option, like you said.

This time, nothing will go wrong! We are gonna get them good!

Damon is tied up with some bear traps. Rebekah explains that she wants to one up Damon after his ungentlemanly behavior. She plans to bleed him of vervain and compel him to kill Stefan or Elena. She acknowledges that it will take some time since vampires heal. I’d think a very long time. Damon tries to make like he thinks it’s hot and kinky, but he is a bit concerned. Klaus stops in, and even in the midst of this, he and Rebekah have time for sibling banter. He thinks she should turn him upside down, Rebekah says she doesn’t need any advice; he rolls his eyes and smiles because obviously he’s pretty much an expert. In the next room, Bonnie is working on unlinking the siblings. Klaus has Kol spying on Jeremy. If it were this easy, couldn’t the Originals have gotten everything they wanted long ago? They should be able to know when a human is lying. They should be able to threaten anyone. Heck, they should be able to control or read everyone’s minds, to an extent. Confusion.

In an interesting scene, Caroline approaches Alaric about her father’s death. He apologizes. She points out that she is a murderer as well. She killed someone, and enjoyed it. That man could have been someone’s father as well. They all have blood on their hands. All they can do is hope they can be saved. Downtown, Stefan tells Elena that Alaric is okay, and they need to figure out their next move. She wants to stop everything to save Damon. She doesn’t know that Klaus is planning to unlike them, but isn’t this exactly what she said she wouldn’t do? Let her humanity get in the way? Perhaps she meant she wouldn’t hesitate to murder an Original, but didn’t they cover this? Stefan says Damon would NOT want them to stop. If they get an Original at this point, they will help Damon by getting rid of Rebekah.

In what is clearly a dream, Damon thinks that Elena rescues him and revives him with her blood. Basically he fantasizes what Stefan already experienced. Rebekah and her revealing top say it might not be so nice when someone else messes with your head. He says she couldn’t have thought he really had a thing for her. Her expressionlessness masks deep hurt and disappointment. He blames this desperation on her brother issues, specifically being bossed around by Klaus for 1,000 years. She stabs him again. Bonnie hears a scream, but Klaus tells her not to worry. She hilariously says that this mass murderer bothers her, and he just prods her about her mother and threatens to rip her and those she loves apart until she helps him. He shows her vials of his siblings’ blood and bites his hand to give her his. Bonnie begins to work on the spell, chanting while mixing blood in a glass. Yum. She pours blood on the table.

Bored now.

Sage shows Finn the joys of tequila, and they seem happy together. Finn is “awed by the evolution of mankind.” Sage is “embarrassed” by his lack of knowledge. A vampire that Sage turned walks by. Finn wonders why; Sage says that they need an ally since they’re in enemy territory. Stefan listens to their conversation. He passes Matt a bottle of vervain. Sage admits she doesn’t know how many people she’s turned into vampires. Finn looks serious, so she tells him not to judge her since he turned her. He says his passion overtook his morals. She says her passions overtake her morals on a daily basis; it’s called living life to the fullest. He smiles more. As wicked as Sage is, I like them together. Stefan texts “get ready.”

The lovebirds drink another shot and spit out the vervain. They follow Stefan out of the bar. (You know which bar. Don’t even ask.) I have to pause before Stefan or someone else stabs my precious Finn. Sage knocks the stake out of Stefan’s hand. “Leave Finn alone!” I say in Chris Crocker’s voice. Elena shoots Finn in the stomach with a crossbow and Matt stabs him. Bonnie’s spell is almost complete. The blood separates. Finn bursts into flames. All my, I mean, Sage’s hopes and dreams are gone. She is inconsolable.

Bonnie looks upset. Rebekah thanks her. She sees a bleeding Damon. Klaus says she can save the man who turned her mother into a vampire. She chooses not to. Dang. But, if we’re going to be honest, Elena, Caroline, and all these “heroes” are the idiots for constantly saving these psychopaths, which Damon sometimes is. Instead, she calls Elena to tell her that Klaus has Damon. Caroline, Elena, and Stefan were just chipper a minute ago about killing Finn (fuuuu), but Bonnie says that Klaus forced her to do a spell. Going against her morals, fearing for Jeremy’s and her mother’s lives—Bonnie is not okay. She has had a very bad day. She breaks down, and I just want to give her a hug.

Don't cry, Sage! The pain will be over soon.

Stefan says again that he will get revenge on Klaus, in spite of Elena’s protests. Caroline quips that she misses well-adjusted Stefan. Aw. Sage busts in (“Ding dong!”) and throws Stefan back into the room. He says he had to kill Finn. Then she and the vampire she turned die. Kill one Original, kill anyone who was turned by them, and those turned by them, and on down the line. Elena wonders if a hybrid bit them. Caroline suggests Sage died of sadness. L Elena says that doesn’t explain Troy, the other vampire. Well, maybe Troy fell in love with Finn too, Elena, did you ever think of that? Maybe Troy fell in love with Finn from afar for the few days of Finn’s existence. Is it bad that I find it amusing that they realize half their friends and family will die if they kill the Originals? The world would be a safer place. There are supposed to be only a few werewolves left anyway.

Stefan visits Damon (who notes that this went differently in his head), and says he will exchange the Original-killing weapons for Damon. Klaus is surprised at Finn’s death and Rebekah begins to get upset, and she is annoyed when Klaus compels Damon to go home. Damon’s her plaything. Damon tries to rip his hands through the traps. In fact, Stefan did leave three stakes at home. Elena says they have to figure out which Original to save in order to keep Caroline and the Salvatores alive. Caroline points out that if Klaus dies, Tyler will die.

Rebekah enjoys watching Damon suffer, and Klaus jokes, “Stop, before you hurt yourself.” He compels Damon to tell them how many stakes they made. Stefan says he’ll get the rest. Klaus says he’d better before he forces Damon to chew off his own tongue. Tears in his eyes, Stefan quietly asks what’s wrong with Klaus. Klaus gets pissy and asks, what is wrong with Stefan? Does he have no appreciation for him? Klaus says that, as a friend, he’s given Stefan a target so he can turn his hatred away from himself and onto Klaus. He says Stefan should be thanking him for giving him a purpose.  Stefan says enough and pushes his ex against the wall. Klaus tells him to step down or the Salvatores both die. If they sleep together, will this solve everything? I’m only partly joking. Even though I am devastated that they just killed Finn, this episode gets a million points for including both Finn and Klefan. I don’t know if Rebekah is jealous or what, but she says that this boys stuff is ridiculous. She lets a broken and bleeding Damon go as a symbol of good faith. Yeah, real good faith. Maybe Damon’s comment about Klaus controlling her got to Rebekah. She says her rules now. For the millionth time, Klaus threatens everyone Stefan loves.

Stefan, you know me, I can't say I don't care about anyone.

Rebekah says she can’t believe Finn is dead. Klaus says good riddance, he was an embarrassment, a lovesick fool who slept in a box longer than he lived as a man. My baby! Rebekah says that he was still their brother and asks if Klaus would say the same about her. He says that she let the Salvatores loose with their weapons, so, yes. And if she stays while Klaus goes, she is as pathetic as Finn. She says that the Salvatores may fight like dogs but at least they know what family is; they’d die for each other. Klaus says he wanted a family once, but Rebekah realizes, soon after stating that Klaus was the only one in her family who stood by her, that Klaus is actually the one who destroyed it. You can see on her heartbroken face that she underestimated her favorite brother’s callousness.

Klaus’s comments make Stefan realize that he has to move on from his abusive ex and figure out himself. He feels as though he hasn’t gotten anywhere. Elena says that he has, and she still loves him. Stefan says he knows, and he will always love her. But he wants her to admit that she also loves Damon. Elena says she doesn’t know what she feels. Even though forcing this confession is creepy, Paul Wesley is so good here, the scene is rather effective. Meanwhile, Damon runs into the arms of Alaric, who comments that Damon is still alive. They can’t find the stake Alaric hid behind his books. They realize that Alaric’s vampire-hating alter-ego must have taken it. Damon is none too pleased that his buddy could kill him. Alaric looks sheepish. Now I will need the hiatus to recover from this tragic but moving episode.

The Vampire Diaries: Break On Through (Season 3, Episode 17)

... to the other side!

Meredith and Elena discuss how Meredith figured out Alaric was the killer, but she wanted him to stay safe since it wasn’t his fault. Alaric gets an MRI and has a very weird confrontation with his evil side in the mirror. Alaric says nothing is wrong with him—or he’s gone insane. He gives the ring to Elena. Damon comes in to check out his pal—literally. He looks him up and down and says he looks horrible. I like Damon and Elena’s conversation. She is angry at him for letting Stefan drink from a girl. Damon says that he made Stefan drink and that Stefan is a predator, one who has built up a castle of delusions that periodically crumbles. (Or maybe it was a wagon that he falls off. Some metaphor.) Elena says that Stefan was able to control himself before, on animal blood or by drinking a little of her blood. She snarks that Damon might not be the best person to teach Stefan self-control.

Caroline is adorable, hilariously bubbly about her favorite kind of blood (B positive), and thrilled that she was able to steal much needed blood from the blood drive. Bonnie is somber, watching her depressed mother adjust to vampirism. Caroline explains that this is understandable. Abby is mourning losing her connection to nature. Bonnie helps a flower grow with her powers, explaining that they can literally feel the earth.

Meredith, Alaric, and Damon visit the construction on Wickery Bridge. The mayor gives Alaric trouble about forgetting a sign, and Damon spots Sage, whom he coincidentally remembered last week. He calls her his hottest teacher; she says he was her favorite student. Rebekah tells her to get lost. Sage says she was looking for Finn who was recently freed from that coffin his “rage-aholic” brother carted him around in. She assumes Finn went looking for her, but Bekah said he didn’t mention Sage. Also he’s gone. Probably forgot about her. After Bekah leaves, Sage calls her an elitist bitch. Damon is just keeping quiet around these much older women.

Hate sex all around?

Damon says, “Finn? Really?” Sage says that Finn’s the one for her; he turned her to be with her forever. Then Klaus killed him. He and Bekah always treated her like a peasant whore. She says she’ll help Damon get inside her head because she’s a girl, and so has a weakness. Clearly Sage is a bit sexist. Also, hasn’t Finn’s actions kind of contradicted what has been said about him? Elijah said he hates vampires, and it seems to be so. Why did he turn Sage, who’s so unlike him? Damon puts the moves on Rebekah, saying he thinks she’s sexy, and that she’s as mean as he is. He says the two of them and Sage could have a real party. She says not a chance, but when he leaves her face says, “I have definitely not had enough sex to make up for those 100 years daggered.”

Caroline asks Jamie to help Abby with her transition. Add Jamie to the list of normal humans who are terrified of Caroline and even vampire Abby. Caroline says, too bad. I completely agree with Jamie when he says none of this is normal. Elena calls Caroline to ask Bonnie for help with Alaric’s problem. Alaric admits that his early violence was due to his youthful stupidity. His dark side was funneled into hunting vampires. What about the restraining orders, not from bullies, but from his girlfriend? He tells Meredith that he killed her vampired cousin Logan Fell. She says she doesn’t judge, either way. But she wonders about Damon. He says he tried to kill him, but Damon killed him instead.

Elena comes across Stefan serving himself human blood from a bag. She takes the book on Samantha Gilbert. Stefan says Samantha killed herself by being too crazy, so there’s no hope for Alaric. A peeved Elena tells him to get back to his drinking. The whole scene is awkward. Damon stumbles upon Stefan binge drinking. Stefan’s stressed and testy about Elena. Damon tells him he needs control, to own it, live it, love it. He says Stefan has to get lost unless he’s interested in a Sage Rebekah sandwich.

Rebekah brings the booze, I bring the dinner.

Jamie arrives and he and Bonnie share a moment. I like Jamie. Still, so many movies, even now, shy away from having interracial relationships. It bothers me that the only African American guy on this show is going to date the only African American girl. (I’m not counting her mother Abby, who is an adult, obviously.) Abby spots Jamie, creepily vamps out, and bites him. Poor guy! After he agreed to help out. Abby says she should have left, but Bonnie says the only way Abby can only hurt her daughter is by leaving. Caroline says she cured Jamie with vampire blood, and she needs Bonnie to do her a favor.

Alaric gives Elena his information and tells her about his will, in case anything happens. Elena says it won’t. Bonnie and Caroline call Elena to tell her that they might be able to reverse the ring spell; sometimes witches who obsess over dark magic have similar problems. Will Bonnie ever have this problem? She clearly doesn’t want to hear Elena’s apologetic voice, but she makes an effort. Elena goes to Alaric’s loft to fetch his wedding ring for the spell. Meredith says Alaric will stay with her and her tranquilizers.

Sage makes some cruel comments about Rebekah’s desperation, and Damon says that Finn’s gone so Sage should give up. Bekah shows up with a bottle of wine she stole from Klaus who stole it from some queen. Damon and Sage dance while Bekah feeds on their poor piano player. Damon joins her and starts kiss her, saying he wants her, not Sage. Sage watches. Cut to: Damon and Rebekah had sex, but no threesome as far as we know. Sage touches the relaxed, unguarded, and asleep Bekah’s head, and apparently because she’s so old, figures out that Rebekah wants the old tree. Sage tells Damon this by inviting him into the shower, kissing him, and planting the ideas in his mind with her vampire powers of manipulation.

My, what big teeth you have!

Damon looks in the old Salvatore logging records to discover that Wickery Bridge is made of that very oak tree. He burns the records and tells Sage they’re not public. She says weapons that can kill Originals are clearly a problem for her. Damon says he met Finn, and she’s not going to miss him. Sage threatens to rip his head off. He says if she helps him kill Rebekah, Finn and she can walk into the sunset. Sigh. This means Finn instead of Rebekah will die. I’m sure of it. Why? No one will care. None of the main characters will care. Most of the audience, other than myself, will not care. The character’s just been introduced.

Alaric told Stefan that Elena was at his apartment, so he meets her there and says he’s not trying to hurt her, yadda yadda. He also says that because Samantha Gilbert was under suicide watch, she had no personal possessions, no rings. Yet she was still violent. Elena says she’s not giving up on Alaric or Stefan, in spite of Stefan saying not everyone can be saved by Elena. They find pictures of Alaric’s victims.

Alaric wakes up from a nap and empties Meredith’s tranquilizers as she makes coffee. Alaric asks if Meredith ever feels remorse since she and the other council members aren’t protecting this town from vampires any more. I like that this is the reason for the killings. He stabs her, but she slips away, splashes hot coffee on him, and runs upstairs. She kicks him and stabs his hand with scissors while slamming the door on him.

I honestly could not think of anything remotely tasteful to use as a caption.

When Damon returns from wherever, he finds Sage gone. He drives (though vamping would be faster) to a burning Wickery Bridge. Rebekah’s glad to ruin his plan. Sage says the Originals are linked, and Damon lied to her. He says her creepy boyfriend wanted to die. She doesn’t believe this. He threatens to kill her, which she points out he can’t do, as she’s centuries older than he is. Damon says when he finds a way to kill the Originals, he’ll take out Finn first. (Please don’t! Finn’s done nothing to you, Damon.) This disconcerts Sage.

Elena and Stefan also find a package for Jeremy saying that he will continue the work with his ring, cleansing the council so the work can begin. Scary. Elena grab’s Alaric’s wedding ring and goes. She finds a strange Alaric. Elena says she didn’t see Stefan at his apartment, and she didn’t find Alaric’s ring. He goes for a knife, and Stefan knocks him out. After smelling Meredith’s blood, he requests that Elena come upstairs with him. Stefan struggles with bloodlust, but he manages to feed Meredith his blood, healing her, before leaving immediately afterward.

Jamie and Caroline garden. Caroline says her dad went through the same thing as Bonnie’s mom, but it didn’t work out. Caroline goes inside and begs Abby to stay, saying that no one is better off without their parents, but Abby leaves. At the Gilberts, Bonnie gives Elena an herb to give to Alaric. Elena asks Bonnie to forgive her. Bonnie just hugs her and says of course she does. Forgive her for what? I sympathize with Bonnie not wanting to be around Elena for a while, but Elena hasn’t done anything more wrong than usual. Elena calls Jeremy and asks if he’s talked to Alaric. He says no, but he has to go out with some friends at the moment, and he’s doing well. Tears in her eyes, she says everything’s fine. She just missed him and wanted to hear his voice. I really like the moment, but shouldn’t Jeremy know about the ring?

Alaric wakes up to find his guardian angel Damon watching over him. Alaric doesn’t seem to remember anything. Apparently Bonnie did a spell, but Alaric will still be under house arrest (light). Damon finds Stefan having an alcoholic drink “a little early in the day” for him, according to Damon. Ironically, Stefan is toasting to control. Damon reveals that the Wickery Bridge sign is made out of oak. Not sure how he knew that. The two of them are ready to hunt. Damon says let’s go kill some Originals. I say no.

The Vampire Diaries: 1912 (Season 3, Episode 16)

A real ripper enjoys the hunt (but is dang messy).

Scene: Mystic Falls, 1912. Another Sheriff Forbes and Salvatore step out of a vampire council meeting. The Salvatore is cavalier about the recent murder of a council member, but, of course, on his way home, he is stabbed by an unseen assailant. Modern day: Mayor Lockwood orders Sheriff Forbes (another one) to tell her who the serial killer is. (I like the fact that the two council members in the past were men; these two are women.) The sheriff doesn’t want to falsely accuse anyone, but she leads the mayor into jail. Alaric is locked up.

Meredith said that Alaric came at her with a knife, forcing her to shoot and then treat him with vampire blood. She also claimed his earlier wounds could have been self-inflicted; I guess he stabbed himself, then crawled all over the house. Damon is squarely team Alaric, wanting to help prove his innocence as soon as possible. The sheriff knows he could make things worse, so she threatens to put the much more powerful vampire behind bars. How, I don’t know. Damon is hurt. This is his buddy!

The increasingly endearing Matt jogs beside Elena, complaining and telling her that she can’t run from her problems. He’s the go between for Elena and Bonnie at the moment, though Bonnie knows her mother’s “death” isn’t Elena’s fault. She just needs time. Elena blames herself. She is surprised to learn that Abby has decided to transition into a vampire, with Caroline’s assistance. Matt can’t help but worry that Elena will make him run more. She gets a call and runs to the courthouse. There she meets Damon who says he can’t do anything about Alaric. Elena is stunned, but Damon realizes that his alternative reaction is probably violence. He notes that he saved her life last night, and she says he should have some compassion for Bonnie and Abby. He just makes some sarcastic, self-pitying “I’m bad, you hate me” comments. She says he’ll end up alone if he doesn’t stop pushing people away.

I'm sorry, I had to include one picture of this hat.

Stefan bangs his ring on the table until Damon interrupts him to make fun of his guilt. And then these amazing lines come out of his mouth: “I was hoping we could hang. You know, a little brother bonding. I mean I know we don’t actually hang out. We team up, we join forces, we activate our wonder twin powers.” He browses through Stefan’s diaries recalling Zachariah’s funeral, and how he wasn’t the only council member to die that year. Stefan says he vaguely remembers this, but then he says it was 1912.

1912: Stefan attends “Uncle Zach’s” (another one?) funeral. A lady Lockwood and a lady Gilbert let him know that the founding members haven’t been faring so well. Of course Stefan is just thinking about how he ate their relatives. A crow lands on a tomb (yes!), signaling Damon’s appearance. It’s been fifty years, but he’s still bitter about Stefan killing their father and helping him turn into a vampire. In spite of wanting to stay away, he agrees to have a drink with Stefan. Modern day: Damon invites Stefan to a drink. Stefan assumes Damon is bored since his bff Alaric is in jail, but Damon also wants to solve a murder. Duh.

They make their way to—where else?—the Mystic Grill where Rebekah asks the mayor about old trees in Mystic Falls. She and Damon seriously check each other out; Rebekah doesn’t give Stefan a second glance. Damon tries to find a connection between the dead founders. He also warns his brother about going off human blood cold turkey. Rebekah learns that the Salvatore family might know about what trees were cut down, so she joins their conversation. Elsewhere, the sheriff interviews Alaric, but things do not look good. We remember Alaric didn’t remember his attack; he also didn’t really remember calling Meredith in the middle of the night. He thought it was alcoholism, but it’s likely more sinister. It’s actually pretty sad watching the sheriff want to believe in him, but Alaric’s pleas sound less and less convincing, even to himself.

I don't like this bros before hoes attitude.

Rebekah interrogates Damon about logging mills, while Damon and Stefan accuse one another of killing the council members. Zachariah, by the way, was a descendant of a liaison between their pious father and a maid. Damon and Rebekah trade barbs about how the other one does or doesn’t want great sex, over Stefan. He moves away and grabs a drink, denying a desire for human blood. This is awkward, not only because Stefan and Damon are brothers, but because Rebekah wanted to leave her beloved brother for Stefan. This does go along with Klaus’s warnings about how fickle Bekah is. Stefan reminds Damon that another vampire, Sage, was in Mystic Falls in 1912. Damon says, “Speaking of great sex…”

1912: Stefan tells Damon he’s had enough to drink and that he can teach him how to live on human blood. Poor man always wants the better path. Damon points out that Stefan is no great guide. They step into a boxing ring where a sexy lady beats the tar out of a man. She and Damon share a look, and she approaches him, taking for a “gambling man.” In spite of his protest, she puts a hundred dollar bill in his pants. Modern day: Rebekah knew a Sage, once: “trashy little thing.” The Salvatores ignore her, wondering if Sage is the culprit. Rebekah wants to know more about ye olde Salvatores, but Damon is a jerk, and he says it’s boys night, and she wasn’t invited.

Elena approaches Meredith, who says that Alaric has a violent past. Isobel filed two restraining orders against him. Elena “knows” Alaric is innocent, but Meredith says Elena dates vampires, so she shouldn’t be surprised that her guardian is a murderer. Bam. Elena pulls Matt into breaking and entering Meredith’s apartment. Behind a panel in her closet, they find a box full of files on the dead or nearly dead founding members.

Your grandpas were delicious.

Damon says he didn’t think Meredith could stab three grown men. He throws a dart which Rebekah catches as she says, “That’s a little bit sexist.” She’s pretty sure a lady could do that. I love you, Bekah. Stefan seems to have a headache. Rebekah notes he was more fun in the 1920s. Damon doesn’t want Stefan to get riled up. He and Bekah read from Stefan’s 1912 diary. In it Stefan makes hilarious statements about Damon wasting his life and choosing the wrong path. (Stefan also says, out loud, that he isn’t interested in slaughtering innocents anymore. Police?) Damon admits that he wasn’t having fun; he was just waiting for Katherine to be free.

1912: Damon mirthlessly kills a woman. Sage thinks his rote way of eating is sad. They’re supposed to relish in the pleasure of being a vampire. Damon says he’s spoken for, and Sage says they all are. Obviously she was connected to an Original. She points out the women in the back row of the boxing ring, singling out the Gilbert. She takes a page from the wicked book of seduction and says that the buttoned up women are the ones who secretly want to be seduced. Go for it and take it, because you can, she says.

Modern day: Rebekah says that sounds like the Sage she knows. Did she seduce one of her more staid brothers? Apparently! She says that Sage was obsessed over her brother Finn more than 900 years ago. Damon is stunned: “What! Creepy suicidal guy?” Stefan continues to bang his ring on the table. He says he needs to get out of there. Damon zooms up to him and grabs his collar, forcing him to admit he needs blood. Stefan says he’s ready to eat the entire wait staff. Damon says he’s feeling a little self-righteous, too. Bekah ships it.

It's all about us, all about us...

Matt and Elena find court records, differing times of deaths, and even a Gilbert diary. They hear Meredith’s steps and jump into the closet. When Matt tries to speak, Elena puts a finger over his lips. They hear Meredith walk away and, after sharing a moment, open the door. Meredith is right there! Elena and Matt sit in front of the sheriff who says that they have broken the law. Lady, you are not a law abiding citizen yourself. Meredith supposedly just got a letter correcting a time of death and apologized for accusing an innocent man. What about him coming at her with a knife? The sheriff says she can’t ask any questions about the records in her closet because the two of them found them by breaking the law. Elena is baffled.

Stefan storms off. Rebekah can’t believe that the conscienceless man she once loved can remain this way for long. Damon says he can; his stubborn brother swings from one extreme to the other. Damon grabs a pretty girl and compels her to be quiet as he feeds. He then says that Rebekah will kill the woman if Stefan doesn’t drink from her and stop. Stefan says he can’t, but he stops Rebekah from biting. He drinks until she is almost dead, lunging after her when Damon pushes her away. Damon feeds the poor woman blood, healing her. Elena and Matt walk out and see Stefan’s bloody mouth. Damon says she doesn’t need to make it any more dramatic than it needs to be. Matt does not want another broken hand, or more pain for Elena, and he drags her away. Damon admits this needs time. Stefan stalks away.

In the comfort of Elena’s kitchen, Matt asks what’s up with Elena and the vampire brothers. She says that with Stefan, at the beginning she felt safe, ironically, knowing that he would never stop loving her, would never die—like her parents. Damon snuck up on her, crept under her skin, and no matter what, she can’t shake him. (These relationships definitely sound toxic.) Matt heartbreakingly says, “Once you fall in love with someone, I don’t—I don’t know if you can ever fully shake them.” But he says it’s not really weird that they’re talking about this. He gives her the Gilbert journal, which he could steal since he is the only normal one in a town of vampires; he’s practically invisible. Dang, Matt. I like you. Alaric returns home. Elena hugs him. He says he’s okay but looks like he’s going to cry.

This is what an old timey lady boxer looks like.

Damon, I adore your twisted pep talks. Stefan broods in front of the fire. Damon says that even though it may not seem like it, Stefan did really well. Soon he will be the king of moderation. Elena will understand his road to recovery. Stefan doesn’t care, but Damon stops him short: no more “no humanity” Stefan. He wonders what Damon’s angle is, why does he care? Does he feel guilty about Elena? It was easier when Damon hated him. These bros have such issues of self-hate, amongst many other things. Stefan ridiculously says he doesn’t need Damon’s help. Damon says, uh, give me a break, yes you do.

1912: Damon tells Stefan to pick one. He stares at a bleeding boxer, but Damon points to the Lockwood. Stefan weakly says he’s not like that anymore, these are people. Damon says that it’s worth it, and it feels so good. Cut to Stefan drinking from the woman. Damon quietly says he knew he had it in him. He also tells him not to be greedy. But Stefan pushes Damon away and takes bite after bite until the lady’s head falls off. To Damon’s horror, his crazy brother freaks out, apologizes to the woman’s head, and blames Damon, before running away. So the bodies coming apart and together again are a burgeoning ripper trait.

Modern day: in a remarkable switch, Damon feels guilty for not stopping Stefan from going over the edge. Stefan says there’s nothing he could have done, but Damon says there was; he just didn’t want to. But he does now. And he will always be there to pull Stefan back from the edge “every second of every day that you don’t need me.” Stefan has tears in his eyes. Damon says that right now Stefan is all he has. This is too much. What a love story. Later, Stefan interrupts Damon’s drunk and melancholy piano playing to show him evidence he found. Samantha Gilbert confessed to committing the council murders ten years later. But Damon says that he killed her before then. Samantha’s not a vampire, but she may have had a magical ring—like Jeremy and Alaric.

Alaric tells Elena he doesn’t want her getting in trouble over him, since he’s supposed to be her guardian, though he sucks at it. She asks who else she is supposed to look after. She says Samanth, the author of the diary she’s reading, continues the line of crazy Gilberts. Meredith shows up and says that if Alaric lets her in, she can explain. In spite of everything, he has to trust her. Though Alaric says she’s psycho, he does. She says that this way, she cleared his name. Meredith explains to Alaric that the ring that makes him cheat death is causing him to kill people. Elena agrees. Samantha Gilbert’s jumbled diary describes her feelings of not being herself, losing time, and going mad. But why does it make him kill the vampire council members?