Don't ask.

Vampire Diaries: The Dinner Party (Season 2, Episode 15)

Jonathan Gilbert's voiceover for his diary sounds exactly like voices used in advertisements. He's supposed to be living in the 19th century. At her parents' lakeside cabin, Elena reads his journal, which tells her that her dearest Stefan killed them all. Well, Elena's ancestors were jerks. Startled, Elena looks out at her boyfriend, who is walking around casually and skipping stones across an entire lake.

Stefan and Damon have a cute chat on the phone about killing Elijah and Damon turning into Stefan. He plans to "dot all his T's," hah. Damon will enlist his zombie girlfriend Andie into helping. The two of them are actually kind of funny together, in a darkly humorous way. Stefan returns to the house to see Elena reading Jonathan's journals and thinks, Gee, I wonder if she's reading about me killing a bunch of folks.

Elijah is looking fine as he walks through the woods with Jenna. Strangely, they look good together. Maybe it's just me. An obviously concerned Alaric shows up and Jenna introduces him as as her friend. Oh snap! Jenna sees the tension between the two men, and leaves. Elijah tells Alaric that he doesn't really pursue younger women. I thought, "That makes one of them," until Elijah said he was joking.

At the pub, Bonnie can't stop thinking about [the spell she did] last night as in the spell she did, and neither can Jeremy [forget their kisses]. Poor Luka approaches them, understandably angry that they gave him a date rape drug. Jeremy gets protective of Bonnie, reminding me of a puppy. The two go to Jeremy's, where he has set up 100 candles for romance or, if that fails, a spell.

The wind/her boyfriend startle Elena. In a rare moment, they get snippy with one another. He's still annoyed that she wants to sacrifice herself and Elena's wondering why Stefan never mentioned murdering her ancestors. Now that the gig is up, he says he'll tell her [not because he wants her to know the truth but because he wants to convince her not to die].


There is something nerdy about Stefan telling Elena, "I took it to the darkest place I could." Maybe it's because I'd rather see it than hear him say it. I've always wondered how much characters describe flashbacks. "OK, so there was a blond playing the piano while two others were dancing around, and I was munching on a brunette, and they were in their underwear, for those days, but you know how different it was then. And I was a completely sloppy eater, but I looked pretty good with my open shirt..."

Watching Stefan say things like, "If you don't pick up the tempo, you're going to lose your head - snap snap!" is uncomfortable. But as Elena would say, "This is Stefan we're talking about here." On human blood, he's always creepy. He seems a little crazy, too. The amazing Damon swoops in saving the women in an effort to prevent Stefan from getting caught. Of course, the irony of Damon warning Stefan about his impulsive kills is rich.

Damon had promised Stefan an eternity of misery; these boys are so hot and cold with one another. Talk about complicated. Stefan is weirdly innocent ("aw, Damon, I'm just having some fun"), and he says he'll be behave if Damon stays. The Damon we know emerges when he tells Stefan he can get himself killed; Damon is out of there.


Alaric complains about Elijah to Damon and Andie. Right now he's having problems coping with his life. Amongst many issues, his best friend is a vampire who hypnotizes and feeds on his girlfriend. Elijah and Jenna show up; Andie suggests they all have a dinner party. Elijah's expression at being invited is hysterical. ("Not this again, Damon...)

Damon goes to the tomb and rejuvenates Katherine with blood. She worries that killing Elijah will keep her there forever. Damon doesn't care. They're awesome together.

Stefan hands Elena a drink (hah!) as he continues to tell Elena how much he loved blood. Back int he day, we see Stefan drinking on dead soldiers. He is as dazed as any drug user. One young lady he tries to munch on turns out to be his best friend Lexi. That's quite a way to meets someone. He takes her back to his place, and tries to be polite, apologizing for the dead bodies: "I was going to dispose of those." aka dead bodies. Lexi refers to him as a ripper and says what she would later say about Damon, that he is the bad parts of being a vampire. As chipper as Mary Poppins, Lexi asserts that she'll have to change that. Stefan gets choked up thinking about how Damon killed her, something he wants to forget, especially with the brothers' new-found alliance.

Andie tells Jenna she's grateful that Damon tells her everything, which is very true. Jenna sighs that her "friend" Alaric may be more secretive. Jenna leaves, and Damon tells Andie to take the women into a different room from the men so he can kill Elijah. She thinks that's sexist and is sad because she likes old school Elijah. Damon totally lies to Alaric about planning to kill Alaric. John shows up, meaning that both John and Elijah will be at the dinner to make him feel uncomfortable. He doesn't even know that Damon has pulled the wool over his eyes.

The wonderful Elijah arrives and tells Damon he will kill everyone in the house if Damon crosses him. He then pronounces, "Jenna! You look amazing." At dinner he tells a creepy story about witches being burned; their screams could be heard for miles. Mystic Falls people love massacres.


Elena discovers a drawing of the magical Original vampire killing dagger in Jonathan's journal. It kills all demons who wield it. Stefan worries about his big brother and rushes to the phone. He can't reach, so he calls Alaric, who is having a bad day. Alaric is surprised that Stefan is so flustered. (We only get his incredulous, "Stefan?")

After dinner, Damon and Elijah discuss the sacrifice spell, which includes, "the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe" amongst other things. Elijah says he'll talk to him since he feels they have grown so close. He also proves that he is older than books. Alaric steps in just in time to stop Damon from killing Elijah and himself.

Angie's presence at the table confuses everyone who knows about her strange predicament, and just when I think Damon compelled her to kill Elijah, HOLY ALARIC! Alaric Saltzman comes out of the woodwork and stabs Elijah through his chair. He's really protective of Jenna. Now this leaves them without an anti-Klaus, and Damon gives Alaric one of his most surprised and slightly frightened looks. Alaric tells them to get the body out of their before Jenna realizes he killed their dinner guest. Alaric just went way up in my estimations, but I miss Elijah already.

Stefan and Elena continue to argue, which I kind of like. He says he's telling her his story to inspire her. No offense, Stefan, but you giving up and massacring people is not the same as Elena giving up to save people. In flashback land, Lexi shows Stefan how to love, but apparently not in that way, so it feels as though she's teaching a little boy about life. From then on, supposedly, he was a changed person. Now, earlier Stefan said that he was worse than Damon, but we didn't really get to see that. And this change seems too easy. Maybe it's because he was helped so early on.

Alaric tells Damon like it is: he is Damon's only friend and he can no longer lie to him. Damon nods like an adorable kid who has just been told off. Unfortunately, Elena just told Stefan that the Original will stay dead for as long as the knife remains in his heart. Stefan runs to his phone AGAIN.


A very upset looking Elijah approaches warlock Jonas, who marches into Jeremy's house as he and Bonnie prepare for witch sex. Jonas sucks her powers away. I kind of understand Jonas and Elijah's perspectives.

Meanwhile, Elijah makes his way to Elena and Stefan. In an intense confrontation, Elena threatens to stab herself. Elijah knows Stefan will save her with his blood, so she asserts that she will make herself a vampire. He calls her bluff, and she does it. A stunned Elijah frantically tries to get into the house to save her. Elena makes him promise their deal is on. As she falls into his arms, she stabs him with the magical dagger. Wow! Both Damon and Stefan were in on it, and it must have required some self control on their part to not help her. Man, Elena.

Jenna asks Alaric about Isobel; his lack of an answer and guilty expression prove that he is hiding something from her. Sigh. They both have enough problems, it would be nice if they were happy. John demands his ring in exchange for patching up their relationship. Alaric gives it to him merely because he needs it badly, now that John tried to kill Damon. Let's hope this is true.

Now Elena is tough and tells the Salvatores that they are going to do things her way. Damon asks Stefan how he changed her mind, and he mentions Lexi: "remember her?" Ooh. Damon doesn't apologize, but looks embarrassed for killing Stefan's best friend. Damon indeed remembers Lexi. We see that he asked Lexi to help Stefan because he needed it. Apparently Damon thought that he could survive on his own, unlike his helpless baby brother. Lexi warns him that his hatred for his brother will get the best of him, implying that many of Damon's actions rooted in his anger towards his brother.

Damon returns to his budoir to find a woman in the shower. He initially thinks it's Andie, but nope. It's Katherine, in all her naked glory. She steps out of the shower and calmly tells him that she played Brer Rabbit when begging him not to kill Elijah, tricking Damon by using reverse psychology. She knew Elijah's death would free her from the tomb. Katherine notes that, in spite of her duplicity, she has not run off, and is there to help. Perhaps she realized that this would do her good in the long run. Then, presumably, the bewildered Damon hands her a robe. What a fantastic ending.

The Vampire Diaries: Crying Wolf (Season 2, Episode 14)

The werewolves clean up the dead bodies of their comrades. Boo hoo. I just can't seem to care. This is all their fault anyway. Nerdy werewolf puts the pieces together to figure out that the vampires are trying to break the curse. They sure know a lot - even that Mason was "banging that hot vampire chick Kathy."

The three girls together in bed are cute! Stefan's, "How was the slumber party?" sounds strangely sexual. Then they're cute together.

Damon's brainwashing Andie Starr into thinking she's in love with him. He likes to say she works for "Action News," even though that's not the name of the station. Alaric and Damon chat. Damon doesn't trust John and plans to get to know Elijah better at an upcoming tea party.

It's good to see Bonnie and Caroline back together. Bonnie says that Luka will have no choice but to tell her what Elijah's up to. Before she can explain, Matt gives Caroline a serious (but kind of sexy) look. Caroline has no idea he knows she lied to him.

The werewolves explain the moonstone curse to an incredulous Tyler. When they show him a picture of "Kathy," he states that she's Elena Gilbert. Uh oh. For some reason, these werewolf scenes are really intriguing. Before I just wanted them to die. I still do, but there's something appealing about their loyalty and mystery.

This Matt, Caroline, and Tyler relationship triangle is getting intense. Matt and Caroline have an angsty discussion. Tyler tries to talk to Caroline; she tells him to get away. In the process he steals her phone. Matt tells Tyler that it's fine if the two of them are together. Tyler denies this, and Matt gets rough with him and tells him to stop lying.

Stefan and Elena head out. "Caroline" texts her, and Elena tells her where she and Stefan are going. Tyler tells the werewolves where they're going, and Brady says, "Let's go get our doppelganger." I take it Tyler doesn't realize that the doppelganger has to be sacrificed.

As soon as Elena says that she hasn't been to the lakehouse since her parents died, Stefan freaks out and shifts into overprotective mode. She likes it here, though. Elena pulls Stefan's leg by pretending to forget that he needs to be invited in and then saying that the house belongs to John and so only he can let him in.

Damon and Elijah officially meet at what I guess is a historical tea party. "BAMF, meet BAMF."

Bonnie tries to get back into Luka's good graces. It's pretty easy. I kind of like him. He starts to feel faint after she slips him a "witch-roofie."

Maybe this Elena and Stefan scene is too sappy for some, but I think it's bittersweet. Elena remembers her family and wonders what memories she and Stefan will share. She chooses not to think of the future and just to live in the present. He says that this moment will be a memory and that he loves her.

John tries to alpha-male it up with Alaric. He tells him it's "inappropriate" to sleep over "with children in the house" (funniest line in the episode - the children have already done it with vampires, watched people die, and experienced numerous horrors). He also threatens to tell Jenna about Alaric's involvement with the supernatural and to take his magical ring back. Alaric remains cool and simply calls John "a dick."

Elijah and Damon get some alone time together and share an amazing scene. It's kind of indescribable. Elijah caresses a couch, Damon does his usual snooping and intimidating, Elijah does his usual brushing him off like a fly, stabbing him with a neck with a pencil, and warning that he will kill him if he doesn't do what he is told. Damon looks almost impressed after their encounter.

Elena watches Stefan cook and reminisces about her parents. Stefan wants to have sex in Elena's parents' bedroom - she finds this a bit strange - but he ruins the moment by noticing that the wall is hollow. He pulls off planks and opens a door to reveal a room full of vampire hunting weaponry. Don't let the visiting werewolves find that stuff!

As a passed out boy lies on the carpet, Caroline and Bonnie discuss Jeremy's crush. Caroline tries to convince her to give Jeremy a try.

Hilarity: Alaric responds to Damon's statement that he is sore by noting that Elijah is "one scary dude," but he has "nice hair." They have a cordial, drunken conversation in which Alaric tells Damon not to kill Andie. He's partly concerned because she's friends with Jenna and he doesn't want to cause Jenna any more pain.

Now I'm back to completely hating werewolves. The nerdy one comes in and injects Damon with vervain. How did Damon let this happen? I guess he was drunk. The werewolf acknowledges Damon's strength and resistance to the injection. By the way, they kill Alaric. I pray that his ring protects him from death by werewolf. Actually, that makes sense, since they mentioned the ring earlier in the episode. This show is good at slipping things in that might not be noticeable but turn out to be important.

Brady convinces Tyler to go with him to get Elena since Tyler is as good as dead if they fail. He also says Tyler will have to deal with him if he wusses out. Tyler claims to be ready, but still seems skeptical. I don't even want to look at Brady's mean face.

John criticizes Jenna for letting Elena go off with Stefan. She tells him he's on dangerous ground. He comments that Alaric's not a great guy and that she should ask him if Alaric's wife Isobel's body was ever found. Needless to say, John is a jerk.

Alaric's corpse eerily stares at Damon, but he is most likely alive thanks to the ring. Are all werewolves sadists? The nerdy werewolf tightens a wooden nail studded collar around Damon's neck. He devised this based on a "cool" movie he saw. Jules asks him where the moonstone is. Damon has to laugh at the irony of this moment. RIP Mason.

Poor Luka lies on the floor and begs Bonnie to stop. Because she doesn't, and we assume this trick is working, the audience learns a lot. 1) Klaus has kidnapped Luka's sister. 2) Klaus wants to find a way to undo the curse without the doppelganger. 3) Klaus has enslaved witches to do his bidding for centuries. 4) Elijah has promised to return their sister if they kill Klaus.

Luka says that he will be murdered if he tells Bonnie how to kill an original. To Jeremy and Caroline's discomfort, Bonnie presses on, and we learn the big secret. Klaus will be vulnerable to death AFTER Elena's sacrifice. Has Elijah technically lied? Probably not.

Brady shoots a very slow moving Stefan as he collects wood for the fire. Seriously, Stefan - you are a vampire, you could do this at light speed. He tells Tyler to keep Stefan down. Stefan is in agony. Everybody hates Brady. Tyler stupidly says that all vampires are liars and then shoots Stefan in the leg. Stefan informs Tyler that Elena has to die in order to break the curse. Tyler appears to think about the fact that his friends lied to him, too, or at least withheld information.

Brady attacks Elena, who stabs him with a butcher knife. He quickly heals and announces that he can smell her. She takes off her sweater and hides. Elena had to deal with a rabid vampire just two episodes ago; she's good at this. He deeply inhales her sweater. She slams the door in an attempt to make him think she ran outside. He doesn't fall for it, but she manages to lure him into a place where she can stab him again.

He follows her outside until Stefan kills him, I believe by ripping out his heart. (Can this show get an award for most hearts ripped out in a season? I haven't seen Supernatural; maybe they'd win.) Tyler is of course confused, teary, and overwhelmed, but thank goodness he helped Stefan. Elena gives Tyler one of her special hugs.

Supported by several random buddies, Jules menaces Damon. And guess who then appears. That's right: Elijah. It's all over, wolves. He tells them to take the moonstone. As they make for it, he rips out their hearts. Damon is appreciative and awed. The nerdy werewolf tucks his head into his shirt as though he's a turtle or an ostrich. Elijah calls him "sweetheart," tells him to take a shot, and punches him in the face. He also rips off Damon's chains and notes that this is the third time he's saved his life. They share a moment and Elijah grabs a hair from one of the werewolf's heads. I think that's what he does, at least.

Bonnie tells Damon about Elijah's plan to kill Elena. Alaric revives and lies to Jenna about his absence in the same way Caroline lied to Matt. Elena isn't surprised to hear this news. Stefan sounds completely hypocritical when he gets angry at Elena for being a martyr. He points out that he has lived more than a full life and that her life has just begun.

Bonnie states that she's known Jeremy throughout his awkward, drug, and punk phases, but that overnight he's turned into a hot guy. (Many viewers agree.) He latches onto the word "hot." They kiss and it's so cute. I said it.

In a remarkably mature move, Tyler confesses to Matt that he fell for Caroline, and he can't understand why anyone wouldn't. He says that she loves Matt, and she deserves someone like him. Tyler leaves a note for his mom, drops by Caroline's house - but hangs back, and leaves with Jules, who is crying. What does this mean? He says that he can't stay here anymore, and all he wants are no more lies.

How much has happened in the last hour? It's been both informative and emotional.

I thought this last week, and I think it again: this was one of the best episodes so far. In fact, I think I liked Crying Wolf more than the previous episode, and I did not expect to say that.

The Vampire Diaries: Daddy Issues (Season 2, Episode 13)

Daddy Issues is full of angst, action, and awesome.

Werewolf Tyler confronts vampire Caroline about discovering that she lied to him. She confesses that she knew that his uncle was killed and that Damon and Stefan are also vampires. Tyler is so angry his eyes "were" out and change color. He's already had trust issues, so this discovery is particularly tragic. Still, his reaction is understandable; his most intense friend was dishonest about the murder of his uncle.

Damon showers. And SCENE. Two shirtless Salvatores in two episodes? They're trying to make up for lost time. On Damon's TV, a reporter mentions the girl Damon killed the night before.

John Gilbert makes breakfast and behaves in his usual cryptic way. Elena is hostile and wearing an awesome ponytail. Jenna and Alaric discover John's presence with disgust. Does Jenna's presence mean she will do something that will endanger someone later in the episode? Very likely. [Note: I was wrong. Well done, Jenna!] John stuns Jenna by informing her that he can drop by when he wants because he is Elena's biological father. (Just when he says this, annoying advertisements on the internet start playing HILARIOUS music, to dramatize his point but also make him look like an idiot.)

Damon's recent murder hangs over a scene in which he and Stefan talk logistics. Stefan tells Damon that John won't tell him anything but that he does know how to save Elena. John also told him that Lucas's warlock father Jonas is working for Elijah. Stefan asserts that Originals like Elijah can't be trusted. He could be right, but he sounds a little paranoid and jealous. He also comments on Damon's feelings about Rose's death, even though, in Damon's words, he only knew her for five minutes. Damon responds that it means he's changing into a great man and Stefan should watch out or he'll get a hero's hairdo of his own and steal his thunder. <-- Probably one of my favorite lines in The Vampire Diaries.

Tyler greets Jules at his door as Caroline lets Stefan into her house. Caroline shows her faith in Stefan by asking him to speak to Tyler and telling him that he always knows the right things to say. The way Caroline says that she and Tyler are "friends" shows how deep their connection is. Or am I reading too much into this? As Stefan expresses reservations, I worry that this might turn into Romeo and Juliet, the difference being that the lovers are fighting right now. Stefan mentions Damon's belief that all werewolves should die, and that Tyler might take revenge, and he deserves to, but might get killed, and so on and so on.

The evil Jules mentions a code that werewolves supposedly live by. They are pack animals, after all, not cat-like vampires. Tyler wins points because he says that her statement that werewolves and vampires can't be friends sounds completely stupid. He looks at her like she is a clueless, old-fashioned fogey. When she tells him to leave Mystic Falls, he looks at her like she's insane. She's basically inviting him to join a gang.

Damon's assertions that he's now a good guy are rather nerve wracking. He admits that he wants to kill John, though he's joking, but not really.

Is anybody shipping Tyler and Stefan? Stefan stealthily appears in Tyler's room and acts like a gangster: "I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to talk." He doesn't let Tyler escape, his eyes glow a little red, and he tells him not to say a word. Tyler's mom looks around for her only son but just thinks, "Hm, that's strange. Where'd he go? Oh well, I'm sure nothing bad has happened because nothing bad ever happens in Mystic Falls. It's not like I'm on an anti-vampire council, or anything."

Brady, a sexy new werewolf character, appears and makes out with Jules. Like Jules, he doesn't fear vampires. Why? Also, why does Jules say that she wants Tyler more than vengeance?

As the distraught and clueless Mystic Falls residents weep at a memorial service, the mayor's wife tells John that Damon Salvatore is leading the council now. (As John nods, the same music that played before plays. Is this Uncle John's loser music?) Jeremy says, "It looks like I slept through the homecoming." It certainly does. He has bed hair. I so want to believe John's nice words.

Bonnie's looking and feeling fine, so she tells off the witch-man Jonas. Jeremy tries to act like a man, and kind of fails, because he's Jeremy. Then he puts his arm around Bonnie as they walk away. Are they a couple now? Jonas might be right in his declaration that Elijah is a man of his word. It doesn't make Elijah less than terrifying. I hope all these naysayers don't make him mad. Or annoyed. I don't think Elijah gets mad.

Jenna and Alaric discuss the weirdness of their lives - minus the supernatural stuff. She's bothered when John wants to join them, but what can she expect. She's at the Mystic Grill, the only place where everyone in the town hangs out.

Damon invades personal John's space and threatens him. Salvatores are good at that.

Jules and her boyfriend attack Caroline, incurring the wrath of fans everywhere, including me. After macing her with vervain and shooting her in the head, the boyfriend unnecessary shoots the freaked out Caroline while she is in a cage. I hope Damon and everyone else kills you, dude.

Tyler hilariously tries to let Stefan know that he's overstayed his welcome: "It's night, man... this is awkward. Please leave."

At Mystic Bar, Jenna introduces Damon to the attractive reporter he saw on TV. He turns turns her down: "Thank you, but I prefer underage girls, like my brother does." Actually, it's touching that Damon turns her down because he thinks it would be bad for her. That's a first. Damon explains this to Elena in what looks like the ladies room. He also says that Jules and her friend should die, which warms the very sickness in my heart. (Thank you, Laertes.) Then John joins them in the toilet.

Caroline's agony continues (wahhh), and we discover that Jules's boyfriend is worse than she is. In fact, she wants him to calm down.

John continues his good guy, "I love you because you're my daughter" act, and it's winning me over.

Jules and Stefan agree to trade Caroline for Tyler, and the Salvatore's walk into yet another werewolf ambush. Smart. Brady asks, "Which one of you killed Mason?" Damon smiles as he admits, "Uhhhh, that'd be me." Werewolves surround our boys - not just werewolves, werewolves carrying flamethrowers, stakes, and more. An EPIC fight ensues. A werewolf attacks Damon by performing acrobatics; Damon rips out his heart while he's in mid-air. Stefan and Damon break necks, use flamethrowers, and catch stakes all over the place.

Tyler finds and, after a moment of hesitation, chooses to release Caroline. Outside, as Stefan and Damon are staked and Jules threatens to shoot Caroline, werewolves start grabbing their heads and falling to the ground in pain. For some reason, the reveal is as surprising as it is amazing. Jonas arrives. He is the source of the mind whammies, which apparently he is doing at Elijah's bidding. They leave Tyler with an ominous message about not messing with Elijah. Poor Tyler wonders, "Who is Elijah? Why are there a bunch of dead bodies around me? And why am I alone in the dark in the woods?"

Stefan walks Caroline home and asks her if she's all right: "You don't have to pretend with me." She responds, "I'm not little girly Caroline anymore." Of course a scene between these two is sweet.

John updates Damon about vampire researcher and vampire Isobel's knowledge and how to kill an Original. He also claims to care about Elena. Join the club. No wonder Caroline was jealous. Now she has her own club.

Matt calls Caroline since they had planned to meet earlier: "Hey! Did something happen?" Kidnapped, tortured, and almost killed. The usual. Caroline lies that she's with Bonnie, but Matt sees Bonnie right in front of him at the Mystic Grill. She's cutely giggling with Jeremy. Apparently, they're dating. It's nice to see at least a few people on this show who are happy. Not Matt; he knows Caroline's a liar though he has no clue what she's been through.

Tyler appears on Caroline's doorstep. She was calm with Matt and Stefan, but she reveals the pain of this night to Tyler by slamming the door on his face and breaking my heart. They could have been wonderful together, but that's what happens when you're tortured all night. Now Tyler's tossed into the cold and he's has nowhere to go.

Elena opens the fridge door because we have at least one "he's behind the door!" moment. The man behind the door is John. He and Elena are kind of poignant, but I'm still worried he's lying. Stefan returns and he and Elena share a much needed embrace.

Tyler turns to the jerk face werwolves. Unfortunately, neither Jules nor Brady were killed. What else was Tyler going to do? Caroline's not at fault; she had a REALLY bad night. But Tyler was understandably horrified when he discovered that not only were there other dangerous vampires in town but that they also murdered his uncle, soon after the death of his father, I might add. Then he saw about eight people violently die in front of him. His statement that he didn't know what to do isn't exactly chivalric but it seems completely true. Poor kid.

Stefan arranges a sleepover for Caroline, but remarkably he doesn't ask to join them. That's the least he deserves for such a great idea.

Cut to: Damon in the bathtub with that reporter. Does everyone in the world to be the date in Damon's bathtub? She calls him, "Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome." He states, "I'm not that tall," but doesn't argue with "dark and handsome." The conversation takes a worrying turn when Damon confesses to being a killer and he has to compel her to stay calm. He admits to being in love with a woman he can never have. Damon really needs to get over women he can't have. Obviously that's not his style. It will probably take centuries to move on from Elena.

He works through his psychological problems with the reporter in a creepy yet almost healthy way. Healthy, because he admits that he kills people because he likes it and it's in his nature. Creepy, because read the previous sentence. Damon proceeds to heavily drink from her. This fellow is undergoing a serious relapse.

Down in the tomb... there's Katherine! I didn't expect to see her for a while. And guess who's offering to help her out? John. I have many choice words for him right now.

The Vampire Diaries: The Descent (Season 2, Episode 12)

We open with Jules, bloody, naked, and perfectly made up and coiffed. It turns out that she has massacred a group of campers during her transformation. When a state trooper arrives, she fakes tears until she bashes his head in. So werewolves can be as bad as vampires.

We cut to Stefan who is sneaks up behind Elena. His little joke shouldn't be so funny considering all that's going on, but he is forgiven because he is shirtless. Shirtless Stefan! Shirtless Salvatore alert! First full shirtless Salvatore of the season, I think!

Meanwhile, Damon is sweetly nursing Rose's werewolf bite. Rose mentions that vampires don't get sick, which sounds pretty cool. Elena takes over Rose-sitting after Stefan is determined to ask Isobel about Klaus. Rose lies in Damon's bedroom, which is awesome. It's old school gothic.

Yet another Mystic Falls/school event is taking place. Caroline and Tyler have a moment. Their eye contact indicates that they are basically making love. Caroline puzzles Tyler when she mentions that a werewolf bite can kill a vampires. Matt interrupts them and kisses Caroline. Matt, you are ridiculous, hot and cold, yes and no. Caroline says there's nothing between her and Tyler. Everyone who watched their previous interaction knows this is false.

The Mystic Grill is the place to people (and vampire and werewolf) watch. Stefan gets Isobel's number from Alaric and leaves a message that sounds like he's calling Bonnie. It's completely casual and straightforward. Why would the devilish Isobel respond to a message like that? Also, Damon confronts Jules, who is surprisingly unafraid. Unfortunately, Damon doesn't kill her.

Rose starts to mistake Elena for Katherine and eventually goes competely rabid. Elena takes quite a while to contact Stefan or Damon about her erratic behavior. For crying out loud, she could have even contacted Elijah for help. Elena makes an impressive escape by using the light of a window and digging her fingers into Rose's wound. She barricades herself in the library until nightfall. Neither Salvatores arrive for some time, which means that they, especially Stefan, are both epic fails. Elena finally ventures out and finds Damon, who looks slightly surprised and concerned to see her gripping a stake.

Rose has made her way to whatever high school celebration is going on. She chows down on a janitor, who just happens to be black. Kind of amazing. I thought they'd stop the trend of racist vampires by now. The police arrive and pretend the maintenance man had a heart attack. Just as a girl tells her boyfriend about this, while she is SMILING, Rose attacks them both. She is overcome with remorse for hurting them. Why? Didn't her best friend forevor Trevor eat people?

Back in the boudoir, Elena once again treats Rose because Elena is only human, as Elena says. Humans aren't always so nice. Still, Rose continues to suffer. Actress Lauren Cohan does quite well in this episode.

As for the lovely Caroline and Tyler, they again speak outside Caroline's house. They seem to be made for each other. Tyler kisses her, and she kisses back before imploring "everyone needs to just stop kissing me!" Tyler's reaction is hilarious. He looks like he's thinking, "Dude?" Oh and now Caroline's wearing black nail polish. How did I miss this?

Rose isn't doing well, so Damon calms her by returning her to her idyllic medieval youth via vampire mind control. He joins her in a lovely and poignant scene. Eventually, he drives a stake through her heart, thus putting her out of her misery. But her last thoughts are peaceful and joyous. Tear. (That's :'( not ripping something up.)

Stefan arrives with Uncle Jon in tow! Dun dun dun. Can I just ask why Stefan was hardly in this episode? In the last episode, he was locked up in the tomb. Why has he been missing in action?

Jules meets Tyler at the Mystic Grill to tell him that she knows he's a werewolf, that he's not alone, there are many more werewolves, Mystic Falls is teaming with vampires, and Caroline helped kill Mason. 1) Jules is awful. 2) Aren't werewolves supposed to be almost extinct?

When Damon pretends he doesn't care about Rose's death, Elena tries to convince Damon that he is close to humanity. She then hugs him. First of all, this is clearly completely painful to him. Second, Damon killed her brother pretty recently, even after Elena's attempts at rehabilitation ("you're better than this"). Elena comes across as an abused wife.

Anyway, an unfortunate young woman in a big vehicle comes across the old vampire lying in the road trick. It's Damon! Drunk, stumbling around as sexy music plays. Somehow kind of funny. But then it gets intense. Damon is overcome with frustration at not being able to be who Elena wants him to be and he tells the girl his secret: he misses being human more than anything in the world. Saaaaaad. Then he kills her. Making Elena, Stefan, and everyone who ever believed in Damon look pretty foolish right now. Of course Damon can't go, he may actually be the heart of the show. But it makes no sense that these characters value Damon's life over every person he's ever killed, or even every person he's killed in the past year. Not that I think Damon's thoroughly evil. It's just not quite fair to all his murder victims.